The Great Author

Blog Malfunction remedied!

2011-12-31T09:16:00.000-08:00

FINALLY got a new computer for Christmas. My blog WOULD NOT WORK on the old one. I'll start posting again (starting) next year....smile.

New Beginnings

2011-10-03T09:58:00.000-07:00

There is some sad irony in the last post I wrote on this particular blog, July 11, 2009. In many ways, much of life as I knew it stopped with that post, with the loss of Pop. I think he'd be unhappy with me for shutting down in the ways I have. Now is the time for a new blogging adventure, not to leave his memory behind, but to embrace life, as he did. He taught me so many wonderful lessons. If I don't use the gifts he felt were important enough to pass onto me, I will truly be dishonoring him. A good place to start is with the poem that inspired the name of this blog. It was posted back in 2007 when I started The Great Author. Hint: It's not me;)

Poetry Corner....The Great Author
I've always known each moment of my life has been planned/ my story written by God's own hand/ like a best selling novel there's been wonderful humor and healing tears/ times of heartache and anger, dreams and fears/ I love and anticipate reading each new page/ every day a new story unfolds/ and though I don't mean to question the all knowing writer, at times my story seems to bare holes/ There are times I am tired and the words seem to blur/ and times I am positive a happy ending should occur/ I guess it doesn't need to make sense to me/ He's the author, he knows what should be/ And like a great writer when the plot begins to lose my attention and my eyes begin turning away/ He throws in a new twist to assure I abide by his way/ It's then I recall the knowledge that a character is nothing without the one who made her/ that every breath I take should be breathed for my creator/ I may not always understand why he allows the chapters in my life to sometimes cause me pain/ but I know he knows me better than I will ever know myself/ and every hard time I overcome by turning to him/ will everlastingly be for my gain/ So Lord take your pen and write what you must/ good or bad, easy or hard/ your pen gave me life and that life to you I entrust. (C) JL

My Pop

2009-07-11T08:46:00.000-07:00

Alfonso Mauro, known more affectionately as Pop, passed away at 1:30 AM, July 11, 2009. He was 97 years old.

Pop update

2009-06-29T20:35:00.001-07:00

Pop has taken a turn today. He's developed apnea. This morning he was going short amounts of time without breathing but it was much longer when we were there in the afternoon. He wasn't focusing well either. Although, around 6:30, he was awake and, while he wasn't talking coherently, he was making eye contact and trying to respond to what we were saying. He tried to respond with an "I love you." His lungs are filled again and the coughing seems to be hurting him. I'm wondering if it's so much a cough as a death rattle.

The nurse gave him a few hours to a day while the woman in charge of his place said she thinks it might be this week. I'm not sure. Pop always amazes me. I do feel he's suffering though and I don't want that for him.

I'm so heartbroken to lose him. I just want peace. I prayed over him today, that Jesus would speak to and be with him and that he would know it. He wouldn't let my hand go as we were leaving. I know he loves Danny, Lucy and I and appreciates all we've done. Please continue to keep him in your prayers.

Pop

2009-06-16T20:46:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone,
Sorry it's been forever. I finally got a new laptop and we're all getting on with life after the loss of Anthony. It always feels so wrong to me that we just continue on when someone is gone but I know it's for the best. I hate to come back and be all depressing but we're losing Pop. He's starting to shut down and his nurse (we switched him to hospice care at the facility he lives) doesn't think he's got more than a few weeks. I never count him out though because this man is amazing! At the same time, it hurts to see him with no quality of life. He can only eat pureed foods and he sleeps most of the time. He's nothing but skin and bones. I will miss him to no end for the rest of my life but I don't want to see him like this anymore. I know he will be new in Heaven. We've been remembering a lot recently all the wonderful things that makes Pop, Pop and all the wonderful memories of times we've had that will have to get us through until we can all be together and whole again. Prayers for his peace and ours are much appreciated. Lucy's been very upset and neither she nor I are sleeping very well. I AM SO TIRED!

In happier news, Lucy is starting a farm camp on Monday. It's right down the road from our house. They have llamas and goats and horses. She'll learn animal care, have a library day, a journal time, cooking, gardening, green Science experiments, Math, hikes and swimming. It runs from 9-4PM, five days a week for two months. She's going to be wonderfully exhausted and I'm planning on having a rough draft of a book finished by the end! This will be a good thing for all. Especially since we've been going crazy trying to help Danny out with work for the past week and a half. He was awarded a contract with the FCC to install the digital converter boxes nationwide and we've been receiving from 800-1000 calls a day! It's madness and I'm ready for a vacation but we feel so very blessed for this work. Danny's amazing because it seems that anything he touches turns to gold. He's really earned respect in his business world and I'm proud of him for doing it by being honest and fair and Godly. I'm thankful too that God is blessing him in return for his faithfulness. Glad all of us girls found wonderful and Godly men. We're very blessed.

Love to all.

Anthony Jellison

2009-04-12T20:58:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

Sorry I haven't been around for a while. We've had a very sad week. Our sweet friend Anthony was struck by a car in front of his school in Santee and killed on Wednesday, April 8th. He was 9 years old. We've set up a memorial website for him at rememberanthony.com if anyone is interested and feel free to leave prayer comments for the family. They are a wonderful family, some of you met his grandma, Laura, at Lucy's birthday party. They need much prayer and support at this time.

We hope all of you had a blessed Easter. Ours was quiet, Anthony and his family were supposed to join us, but Lucy enjoyed herself despite missing her friend. We were blessed this weekend to remember that God will be the greatest comfort to Anthony's family. For He too knows the pain of losing a son.

Love to all.

Ok Liz....we'll give it a try...How Lucy sees me:)

2009-03-17T14:42:00.000-07:00

1. What is something mom always says to you? well I have one thing on my mind (pause) Brush your teeth.
2. What makes mommy happy? When I obey.
3. What makes mommy sad? When people don't obey God.
4. How does your mommy make you laugh? Always does silly things.
5. What was your mommy like as a child? Don't really know.
6. How old is your mom? 30
7. How tall is your mom? Short.
8. What is your moms favorite thing to do? Obviously, read and write.
9. What does your mom do when you're not around? Hang out with daddy. You don't really do much when I'm out.
10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? Obviously writing a book, obviously.
11. What is your mom really good at? Loving people.
12. What is your mom not very good at? (Long pause) Being mean.
13. What does your mom do for her job? Stay at home mom.
14. What's your moms favorite food? Angel hair pasta.
15. What makes you proud of your mom? Everything she does.
16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be? Probably Jerry (funny huh Liz? I didn't even read yours to her. She calls Danny and I Tom and Jerry because we bicker back and forth:)
17. What do you and your mom do together? Play.
18. How are you and your mom the same?Pretty much everything and every way.
19. How are you and your different? Barely different.
20. How do you know your mom loves you? In everything she does.
21. Where is your moms favorite place to go? Barnes & Noble.

Update

2009-03-15T19:30:00.000-07:00

Hi,
Sorry I've been gone. Preparing the house and ourselves for The 700 Club was um...a challenge. We weren't nervous about the interview but getting everything just right was a little overwhelming. We pulled it all together though so check out my writing blog for info and pix.

The 700 Club...another update

2009-02-25T20:33:00.000-08:00

Check my writing blog for an update on our 700 Club interview. It's been finalized and is in a couple of weeks.

P.S. Thanks so much to all who came to Lu's party. Thank you for your remarkably well-mannered children and for the thoughtful gifts! So glad Liz could be in town to join us too. Since my cat destroyed my computer, I only have access to Danny's when he isn't working, but I will post some party pix as soon as I can.

February 20th...Happy B-Day Lu!

2009-02-19T22:33:00.000-08:00

Happy 9th Birthday to our beautiful baby girl!

We love your inquisitive mind. The questions, specifically about God, that you come up with are amazing. We love your sweet, empathetic heart. We love your energy, un-ending and enthusiastic. You are our sweet and crazy angel. Our life would not be the same without you. Lucy truly means "light bringer" and you have brought so much light to our lives! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! Thank you God for trusting us to be your parents. We feel so very honored to have been chosen.

P.S. We love your silly side too:) (Refer to picture)

Happy 97th Birthday Pop!

2009-02-14T17:30:00.001-08:00

Thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for your generous heart.

Quiet Hero By: Unknown

My hero is the quiet type. No marching bands, no media hype.
But through my eyes it’s plain to see, a hero God has sent to me.
With gentle strength and quiet pride, all self concern is set aside,
to reach out to our fellow man, and be there with a helping hand.
Heroes are a rarity, a blessing to humanity.
With all they give and all they do, I’ll bet the thing you never knew,
my quiet hero has always been you.

We love you Pop....aka Pooh Bear...The best in the East, West, North, South and even in the middle:) Lucy, Danny and Jess

700 Club Update

2009-02-11T14:54:00.000-08:00

Just a quick update. Mindy, the producer we interviewed with on the phone, left a message today saying that our story has been approved. A camera crew will be here the week of March 9th. Someone is supposed to call and let us know all the specifics so I'll update again later. We're excited but suddenly a list of things that need to be done before they come ran through my head like a grocery list. We desperately need haircuts, the tiny patch of carpet by the "cat's room" needs to be shampooed and I'm at the top of my five pound--grace period-weight. And I only have three and a half weeks! No problem:) I just hope our story is inspirational and that I don't have to do a, looking longingly out the kitchen window, scene--right Nicole?

More Prayers Please

2009-02-09T15:24:00.001-08:00

Kat went and saw our family practitioner about her hand and he's sending her for blood tests and X-rays. He's concerned that all the muscle in her hand appear to have atrophied. And while he said it may have been caused by an injury or something like carpal tunnel, he's concerned. This, of course, made Kat more concerned. I know the blood draw is to rule out any neurological diseases, there are many, the main one's being quiet frightening. I guess if both tests show nothing, he'll send her to a specialist. I'm hoping it's a damaged nerve or something that is small and reversible.

Please pray that the blood test comes out clear. Please pray that it's nothing neurological. I know, because of her age, it's probably not but the slight possibility really concerns me. I know God says fear not but there are some really frightening things in this life and it's not always easy to place all worry into his hands. Especially since bad things do happen. I just want Kat to get the chance to really live. I want her to get the chance to know happiness in herself and in her life. I want her to experience the satisfaction of success. I want her to grow to love herself, something she's struggling with now. Please just pray complete and total healing. I appreciate your prayers. I figure if we place our cares at Heaven's gates and we agree in numbers, as it says in the Bible, God will provide. He promises and thankfully, we serve the one God that never breaks His promises.

Update

2009-02-03T19:38:00.000-08:00

Just got the news that Mr. Railey is doing much better. He was moved from the ICU today to a regular room. Let's continue to pray him home and thank God for his mercy. Thank you all for joining in prayer with me.

Adoption Option

2009-01-30T11:40:00.000-08:00

Kat called me about an hour ago. She has been talking for a year or so, now, about finding her birth mother. It was so easy to find mine because I had her name in a baby book she sent with me, along with the names of all of my family members. How many Abbra's could there be out there? It was the most simple search ever. I wondered though, how we would help Kat with hers. I'd always heard that adoption records are sealed and difficult to pull information out of. Besides, the information we had to go off of was so little. We had no name and while we knew what state she came from, we had no city. Kat wasn't even born in that state. Her bio-mom lived out her pregnancy in an unwed mother's home, Highlands, in Kansas City, Missouri. A hospital near the home is where Kat was born. This seemed to be a difficult venture but I know now that that's not why her interest peeked over the past year. Instead, it was God preparing her heart.

Kat's voice had excitement in it as she told me that she and our parents had received letters from her bio-mom, Darla. She had contacted Highlands, now in Arizona, and a social worker took up the task. I guess it's legal now because Kat is an adult. Kat put in a call to Georgia (the social worker) this afternoon and left a message. I told Kat that if she was ready, she should at least let Darla know she was interested. I'm sure the poor woman is anxious with anticipation. Being the one to seek out my bio-mom, I remember that even though she'd written me a letter saying she hoped to meet me someday, I feared rejection and disinterest. I hope Darla can rest assured this weekend that she will soon have a friendship with the baby she gave up 20 years ago.

My prayers for Darla and Kat? I pray God ordains their relationship. I pray Darla is a strong and wonderful Christian woman, wise beyond her years. I pray she can be a wonderful influence in Kat's life. I pray love will live in their relationship. I pray so many wonderful things to come from this. I pray that it is all that my relationship with Abbra is not and was never meant to be.

One prayer request for Kat. She's supposed to start beauty school next week and there's something wrong with her right hand. She REALLY needs to get going with this career and her life. Her hand almost looks like it was crushed. I know she keeps saying that it's been bothering her a bit here and there since elementary school but she never consistently complained about it. It also never looked like anything was wrong with it. Now, it looks like a broken wing. So, I pray that she will find the right doctor and that it will be something small and easy to fix. And that she will still be able to start her schooling on time.

Prayer Request

2009-01-27T10:28:00.000-08:00

Hi ladies,
We have a homeschool group friend whose husband is currently in the ICU. I don't know any details about his condition. They have a daughter around Lucy's age (8). I just cannot even imagine how scared the family must be. I do know that, that little girl (and of course Kim as well) still needs her dad. Please keep Mr. Railey in your daily prayers that he will be home with his family soon.

Sometime today, give your hubby and kids a BIG hug! It's so easy to forget to be as thankful as we should and take the time for the little moments--just to look at each other and love one another. We shouldn't wait until there's threat of loss to stop and love. We should never have regrets in the way we loved those most precious to us.

Ok Liz, here I go:)

2009-01-23T10:09:00.000-08:00

USING ONLY ONE WORD Not as easy as you might think! Now you try, change the answers to suit you and pass it on. It's really hard to only use one word answers!

Where is your cell phone? Missing
Your significant other? Silly
Your hair? Scary
Your mother? Complicated
Your father? Confusing
Your favorite thing? Books
Your dream last night? None
Your favorite drink? Tea
Your dream/goal? Peace
What room are you in? Bedroom
Your hobby? Writing
Your fear? Lots
Where do you want to be in 6 Yrs? Published
Where were you last night? Home
Something that you aren't? Confident
Muffins? Blueberry
Wish list item? Contentment
Last thing you did? Read
What are you wearing? Pjs
TV? Binge
Your pets? Abundance
Friends? Faithful
Your life? Brighter
Your mood? Optimistic
Missing someone? Eternity
Drinking? Coffee
Smoking? Wabbit
Your car? Messy
Something you're not wearing? Hat
Your favorite store? Anthropologie
Your favorite colors? Opal
When is the last time you cried? Reading
Where do you go to over and over? Store
Five people who email me regularly? None
My favorite place to eat? Home
Favorite place I'd like to be at right now? Bookstore

Fam update...been a while...I know

2009-01-19T09:33:00.000-08:00

Ok. I've had a really tough couple weeks (nothing like Liz's last few days) fighting off depression and loneliness and blah blah blah. But that's why I haven't posted anything here. There were a few happy moments though. Here's what we've been up to.

Last weekend we took Lu and a friend to the Ceramic Cafe and each painted a ceramic "thing" of our choice. I will blog about my snail experience later when I get a pic. Sunday, we went and saw the play "Annie" with my parents...yikes! We sort of made nice-nice at Christmas because they had no one to spend it with. We're on truce-like terms. My radar is tuned to extra cautious and I'm proceeding carefully. In other words, I will only be around them in public situations. They behave. "Annie" was cute. Lucy loved it. I liked the movie script better but this one was particularly quirky in its characters and lines. After we went to Corvette Diner, which is always fun. Lucy requested a song and the DJ liked her name so much he kept talking about her and played the "I Love Lucy" theme song. Lu had a ball.

I'm really trying to make Lu's days count for more and spend quality time and enrich her life on a weekly basis. She's been fighting off a little bit of sadness too and that scares me to death. I hate that she has taken on so much adult concern and she, like me, is empathetic to a fault. I keep racking my brain as to how I could've shielded her better from the situations with the families. Nothing I can do about the past, I know. I just hate to see her hurting.

This past Sunday we ran down to W-Mart and my parents called and invited us to lunch downtown. We ended up having lunch and then went to the Ruben H. Space Theater for their Ocean's Documentary. Of course the theater is always cool (although we sat a little too close and got a little dizzy) but the show isn't the best one for kids. It's a little boring. It still has it's interesting points and the shots of South Africa are beautiful, as are its people, but...the film in its entirety is a little boring.

We might be famous soon:) Well, sorta. We got a call last week from a producer at The 700 Club that they might want to do a story on our business blessings through this economic downfall due to faithfulness in tithing. We have a phone interview tonight. I don't know if they'll do a story but it's cool to be considered. Tithing is a biggy in our family and we like to share its blessings with others, every chance we get. Looks like we might get our chance on a much grander level.

I can pull out a few prayer requests in this blog. It's like a game. There are three. If you can find them, and you keep them in your prayers, YOU WIN! Love you all...smooches:)

Snot Fests and Sore Chests...fa la la la la

2008-12-29T10:40:00.000-08:00

Wow, I can't believe Christmas is over! It just seems like so much build up, excitement and anticipation. Then, the day comes and the gifts are opened expediently and that's it. On top of it all, I started to get sick on the 24th although, (thank God,) it didn't really hit until the 26th. I don't get sick and when I do, it's not a big deal. I guess I over did it this time (as usual.) A stuffy nose, I can handle. Sore throat? Sure, gargle with salt water and it kills the bacteria, directing the sickness to something other than Strep. But the cough. The annoying, lingering, blasted cough! Now the hubby started this cold and then a million little sniffling and hacking children brought more of it to the Christmas party so I wasn't completely surprised when I, having not taken care of myself and known it, got it. Now, Danny has it back and Lu, who was sick a few weeks back, is a bit sniffly too.

I have to say that even I am looking forward to the first of the year and everything going back to "normal." It's so funny, I can't seem to use the word normal to describe my life without chuckling a bit. Ok, this is an incredibly boring post.

Check out my writing blog. It's very short but has a new writing project teaser.

Happy Birthday Liz!

2008-12-22T08:30:00.000-08:00

Hey Liz! This is the first time I've really had a moment since my crazy weekend so I'm sorry it's a little late. I ALWAYS think of you on the 20th, even when we weren't in touch. I found the cutest picture of us last week. I'll post it when I get it on disk or can scan it. You were this cute, little mouse with wavy brown hair and big teeth and freckles across your tiny face. I had a bad haircut with way too much bang (thank you Barbara) and chicklet teeth too. We were a sight! You are one of my very oldest (not age wise of course:) and dearest friends. I know there's distance but I cannot tell you how much fun it is to watch your kids grow up. How funny it is to be raising our own children now and watching them remind me of us. "Come on mom, just wait a little longer for Debbie. She'll be here." Lucy fights just as patiently (or desperately) for play dates.

So! Happy 30th. Don't worry, it's only a little scary around the actual day. After a month or so, it feels no different than 29 which I will always be. Many hugs your way. Have a wonderful week. I'm glad you came as a Christmas present. It's only right. You're just sorta magical and special. I just wanna wrap you up and stick you under the tree with a bow on your head. Ok, I know, I'm working on my stalker tendencies:) Love you to the moon and back!

Tricia

2008-12-12T21:12:00.000-08:00

It's midnight in New York, technically December 13th. I want to wish my cousin Tricia a happy birthday. This will be the second birthday she's spent in Heaven. I'm sure the celebration is so much more incredible there! But we miss her and so today we reflect on her life and the good she brought to us in her 34 years.

So, Happy Birthday Trish. I love you and miss you. I think of you often and all the good memories. Though I know the what ifs are pointless, I think of all I wanted to say to you that I didn't get the chance to. Somehow, I think you know. May Heaven celebrate you today and the angels rejoice!

The Good Old Fashioned Griswold's Family Chrissmass

2008-12-01T10:29:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving at Pop's

AFter Pop's, we enjoyed a second dinner with our dear friend Laura and her family. Well, Jude enjoyed the second dinner. I couldn't get another bite down!

On Friday we had a "good old fashioned Griswold's Family Chrissmass" and cut down our own tree!

Kat and Lucy looking for the perfect tree.

We found our tree and lugged it to to the car. We named the tree Leif and our Thanksgiving turkey, Lucy named Thyme. She said she felt bad about eating Thyme. I said, he was dead when we got him, it was his Thyme:)

We won't eat the tree, too prickly.

Happy Turkey Day (although I doubt the turkey is really happy)

2008-11-26T19:25:00.000-08:00

Wishing you all a wonderfully magic holiday! May we truly remember to be thankful for our many blessings. Or, in more poetic terms, Happy Thanksgiving to all, and to all a good bite!

The Holiday Spirit

2008-11-24T14:18:00.000-08:00

This will be the first entire holiday season without our extended families. I was a little concerned that they would be difficult and feel lonely. I love that we don't have to specifically ask God for things because He knows our fears and desires. Our dear friend Laura has taken us in for Thanksgiving. We were going to have our friend Joan up but Laura offered to have us both. We'll spend the morning with Pop. I'm going to make a mini Thanksgiving feast for him, and then we're off to spend the afternoon with Laura and her family.

As for Christmas. I don't know. We'll probably visit Pop after the morning gift opening. We brought him a tree and decorated it a week ago. He loved it. We're going to wrap his door soon. We put lights up on our house yesterday and decorated the inside. I LOVE Christmas, just the feeling. I know we'll feel warmth and love from friends (our true family) during this holiday, we already have. It's sad that our families cannot be a part of it. It's sad above all because they are missing out on their granddaughter and the excitement and magic that only a child can bring.

It's cold here today. We'll light a fire, listen to some Christmas music and watch a Christmas movie later. I guess the best thing that comes from losing something that we staked so much faith in, is that we truly have to rely on God to be our family. We are also reminded of the true spirit of Christmas, the birth of our Lord and Savior. The rest of what we need will be provided, as it always is.

Don't forget to check out my writing blog, I've posted the first of what is a 21 day challenge of change for myself. It should prove interesting:) Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas. Most of all, Happy Birthday Jesus!

New Post

2008-11-21T13:25:00.001-08:00

For those that haven't checked out my writing blog and new website, please do and tell me what you think. The website, jessicalennon.com, is really supposed to help with boosting my "popularity" as a writer. I'm hoping it'll look good for any interested agents. Thanks for those that are checking the blog and commenting and those that signed up as fans:)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HONEY!!!

2008-11-16T12:34:00.000-08:00

I know we've had a lot of crap thrown at us in the past few years and that much of the recent problems have come from your "family." Know this, no matter what kind of people they are, they did something wonderful in having you. And no matter what I think of them, I will be FOREVER thankful to them for bringing you into this world so that you could be mine, as God intended. Remember, we were created for each other. We'll get through all of this. I wish you the very best birthday and a year that blesses you in all the ways you deserve. I pray that every year from here on out bestows blessings of happiness, health, love and prosperity.

I love you to Heaven and back. You are a great husband and father. You should know this because of the way you are loved. ((Hugs)) Lucy and Jess aka....aka:)

Website and Writing Blog

2008-11-11T18:50:00.000-08:00

Besides checking out my new website, Jessicalennon.com. Also check out my new writing blog (there's a link on my website) at jessicalennon.blogspot.com or click on my list of "friends" (on the left) for a quick link. The more people I have clicking on my website and joining/commenting on my new blog, the better my "popularity" looks for the agents...and for the first (and only) time in my life, I REALLY want to be popular:)

I'm back!

2008-11-10T09:24:00.000-08:00

Where's my head Danny? It's ok, I had some REALLY bad roots there:)

Halloween...nice face Lucy...that's her cheesy smile:)

1774 colonial girl. American Girl inspired:)

Hey guys,

Sorry it's been so long. I've been working hard to polish my book. It is finally officially done,

editing and all. I have two agents that I favor and will be sending out query letters today or tomorrow.

I'm also starting Lucy on the Sonlight Curriculum. It's a lot of work but all literature based. She was getting so frustrated with the old curriculum because it wasn't challenging her. Heck, I was getting bored with the old work:)

It's been a while since I've added pictures so it seemed time. Hope every one's well. I'll keep you posted on the book. Oh, it's totally raw and nothing is up on it but please check out my new website, jessicalennon.com. The more you view it, the better the numbers look (with the agents) for me:)

Miss Ballet

2008-10-22T19:25:00.000-07:00

So I'll try and post pictures soon but my cord broke for my camera so... Lucy had her second dance class tonight. She's doing mostly ballet (Ms. Bunny's ballet class) and a tiny bit of tap. She likes the tap shoes, I think because of the sound. But this child has been walking on her tiptoes forever. Someone mentioned that it might be a neurological problem, I think possibly from the birth complications, although it doesn't seem to cause her any trouble. Especially since she's got the strongest calves and is apparently a natural at ballet. Her teacher said she did awesome and asked if I worked on it with her, I didn't. We got to sit in and watch the first class last week and this girl is good. Her posture is perfect as is her toe point. I think we may have a ballerina on our hands. Now, I was always good at dance but have to say that the credit would probably go to Danny who had to take all types of dance for the acting he did in high school and was told he had a "perfect toe point." Sure his dad looked at him funny when he then decided to have a friend teach him a little bit of sowing but obviously it has rubbed off on the little one. Most important, Lucy is having a blast and we even felt like a "normal" family tonight which is really, really nice for us. And if Lu needs some help with a twirl here or there, well, we know who to ask:)

Buon Giorno!

2008-10-14T10:31:00.000-07:00

Last nights class was really awesome. I figured since I was spending the last night of my 20's with them, I'd bring some cookies. Yes, I'm in third grade and have to bring snacks to class:) At some point, we had to go all around the room and tell our birthdays. quand'e il tuo compleanno? (When is your birthday?) E il quattordici Ottobre (It is 14, October.) The girl next to me was so cute and said, "ooh, ooh, ooh, how do you say Happy Birthday?" Then the teacher got it and at the end they all sang Happy Birthday in Italian, "Tanti Auguri e te," which translates to many wishes to you. I have to say, the happy birthday song is better in Italian. But then, I think everything sounds a little prettier in Italian. Anyway, it was so cool and made my night. I am now off to watch the Doris Day movie, "Please Don't Eat the Daisies" which I never got to finish from last years birthday because of a certain family member issue:) Ciao!

Italiano

2008-10-08T09:16:00.000-07:00

So I attended my first Italian class on Monday and quite enjoyed myself. This, of course, is after I got over the "first day of school" anxiety. Although it was quite a bit more toned down than my, "I'd really like to puke now" high school days. So, at the end of 11 weeks, we shall see what I am able to do. The teacher is really sweet. She pointed out the really important things and for the rest of it, told us with an accent, "That, is not so important, people will know what you're saying. This is for people who want to be perfect. But it's not so important." She said this about more than half of the first couple pages of the book:) I like that about her. Did you all know that while we Americans say Bru-shed-a (brushetta), it is actually pronounced, bru-sket-ta? This is because when sh is followed by an e, it makes a k sound. Also, for you wine drinkers, Pinot Grigio, which is often pronounced Gree-gi-o is actually pronounced Gree-j-0. This is because when a g is followed by an i it becomes soft like a j and the i is silent. That is your lesson for the week:) And for now I will say Ciao! Which in America is something we have for dinner, chow:)

Miss Me?

2008-10-01T20:01:00.001-07:00

I know I've been gone for a while and in fact, I haven't been on the Internet at all. So I wrote that post a while back about all the things I wanted to do before I turned 30. Only, I really didn't do any of them. Instead, a whole new list took over my life in the most wonderful way. I have rid myself of all anger, made some big decisions as to the rest of my life, am starting my Italian class in Little Italy on Monday and most of all, the reason for my two week absence, I finished my memoir. This is the book that I have been working on for about 13 years. So, I took what I had, about 180 pages and edited them, cut and pasted and reworked them until my fingers were starting to numb. Then, the real work began and I set to work writing the rest of my story. Sunday night I finally typed THE END on the last page of my 338 page memoir/ biography/ autobiography, whatever. The meanings of those three are so similar. Anyway, I spent all of Monday and Today editing the new stuff I wrote and sent it off to my friend Win who is the grammar man! I've also finished a query letter and am collecting the info on agents that I'm going to send it out to. PRAY LIKE YOU'VE NEVER PRAYED BEFORE.....PLEASE! I feel good about it and so satisfied with it's completion. Missed you all but glad to be back:)

New business

2008-09-15T08:06:00.000-07:00

We're hopefully going to be launching our new company this week or next. It's a Videography/ photography company called "Make Believe Memories." We've put together a few sample videos which will premiere on the blog we're working on, but I thought I'd post a few sample pictures on here for you to see:) This specific video was a 1774 theme.

We Will Always Remember

2008-09-11T00:01:00.000-07:00

9/11/01

I dreamed last night of rebirth, of peace and unity on earth,
I awoke this morning to fire and flames, to hate filled hearts gone insane,
I watched the injury their bombs inflicted,
Not crash hope still felt as the wreckage was sifted.
I saw coward’s attempts to bury freedom and grace,
And wipe strength and pride off America’s face.
They may hold the power to make buildings fall,
But they cannot break the spirit that keeps us standing tall.
We will mourn the dreams of lives cut short,
By the indignant weakness of madmen.
But we remain one nation, more united now,
And for those lost eager to defend.
Today I stand, my head held high,
My heart a little battered.
Honored to see Americans hold onto one another
And to know that every precious life matters.
I dreamed last night of an earth united
Without separation.
I awoke this morning and declared with my country,
You caused pain to our family and friends, now deal with our nation.
Only a people with no courage or honor would be proud
To leave a blind opponent broken.
Now let’s see who shatters the other to pieces,
When America’s eyes are open.

By: Piper J. Lennon (c) 2008

The Horizon

2008-09-10T11:10:00.000-07:00

Ever get that feeling like you're missing something? Oh my gosh! I feel like I'm at this precipice and something really big is on the horizon and I'm anticipating it and am excited and jittery but I cannot put my finger on it. I keep wondering if this is because I'm not quite yet meant to see it or I'm just totally oblivious to what is right there! Then I ask myself, "is God trying to tell/ show me and I'm not listening enough?" So I try and listen harder and watch more closely. All I know is that there's good in store in big ways and our family will be able to live freely and artistically and begin to better accomplish what we were put here for. The best thing is, I know I'm not crazy because Jude feels it all too.

In the mean time, I will learn better patience. I'm used to waiting so you'd think I'd be better at it:) Oh, I start taking Italian lessons at the Italian Community Center San Diego in Little Italy on October 4th. I even sat down and learned the Italian alphabet yesterday so I'll have a basic knowledge before I start. Six different levels, each a certain amount of weeks and I should be speaking fluent Italian within a year. Perhaps that's part of this big "winds of change" thing I feel. For the first time, instead of being afraid, I'm acting on my goals. Hmmm.....

to be continued......

Vegan 100 List

2008-09-08T09:35:00.000-07:00

Ok, I'm doing this vegan list found on http://thefitnessfreak.blogspot.com/ but don't forget to check out (and comment on) my post underneath it about the 10 Things I want to do before I turn 30!

Rules:
1) Copy this list into your own blog, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.
4) Post a comment here once you’ve finished and link your post back to this one.
5) Pass it on!

1. Natto
2. Green Smoothie
3. Tofu Scramble (I've had something like it)
4. Haggis (I think I'd rather die)
5. Mangosteen (looks good)
6. Creme brulee
7. Fondue
8. Marmite/Vegemite (I'll take Nicoles advice on it being nasty!)
9. Borscht (I might try it but I don't like regualar beets so?)
10. Baba ghanoush (I must admit the dish looks yummy even though I'm not a fan of eggplant)

11. Nachos (have eaten but probably wouldn't eat today, I don't really like them anymore)
12. Authentic soba noodles (I may have had these before, I am a huge Japanese food fan!)
13. PB&J sandwich (with cold milk, I know un-vegan)
14. Aloo gobi (mixed with potato and cauliflower, sounds yummy!)
15. Taco from a street cart (from a street cart? Probably not, I've had a hot dog from a cart in New York but now I hate hotdogs so...)
16. Boba Tea (I like most tea's so I'd give it a try.)
17. Black truffle (I'm not usually a fan of fungus but I'd try it)
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes (I don't drink)
19. Gyoza (yum)
20.Vanilla ice cream (don't like ice cream, especially vanilla)

21. Heirloom tomatoes (yummy)
22. Fresh wild berries (Super yummy. Nicole, let's take the kids to a strawberry picking event during the season ok?)
23. Ceviche (not my most favorite. I don't like the citrus taste with fish)
24. Rice and beans
25. Knish (my fav, did you ever try the one at Skinny Haven? It was the best!)
26. Raw scotch bonnet pepper (my taste buds crave spicy, my tummy fights it!)
27. Dulce de leche (yum)
28. Caviar (while I feel some guilt, I do like it on occasion in SMALL amounts)
29. Baklava
30. Pate (I'd try the veggie version but not the one with meat)

31. Wasabi peas (I love wasabi so bring it!)
32. Chowder in a sourdough bowl (I don't like chowder so veggie chile in a sourdough bowl)
33. Mango lassi (mango's my fav fruit)
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Mulled cider (don't like it)
37. Scones with buttery spread and jam (all homemade!)
38. Vodka jelly (why not?)
39. Gumbo (don't like)
40. Fast food french fries (fast food makes me sick now and I CANNOT eat it)

41. Raw Brownies (why not)
42. Fresh Garbanzo Beans (not a gigantic bean fan but willing to try, may have had once)
43. Dahl (sounds yum)
44. Homemade Soymilk (maybe)
45. Wine from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more (don't like wine, don't drink, waste of money)
46. Stroopwaffle (love waffles, why didn't she bring me any?)
47. Samosas- Yummo (sounds good)
48. Vegetable Sushi (sure)
49. Glazed doughnut (fried things make me sick now)
50. Seaweed (mmmm)

51. Prickly pear (the bear necessities of life will come to you)
52. Umeboshi (with a name like Ume, it's got to be good)
53. Tofurkey- (not a big fan either)
54. Sheese (sheese to you to:)
55. Cotton candy (good at a baseball game)
56. Gnocchi (Italian family, think I liked it)
57. Piña colada (pina colada, coconut juice....yUMMy!)
58. Birch beer (interesting)
59. Scrapple- (Nasty! And I hate pork)
60. Carob chips

61. S’mores (had one Saturday night:)
62. Soy curls
63. Chickpea cutlets
64. Curry
65. Durian (they look like alien bugs)
66. Homemade Sausages (Ick!)
67. Churros, elephant ears, or funnel cake
68. Smoked tofu
69. Fried plantain (I guess that be a no for Nicole huh?)
70. Mochi (sounds nummy)

71. Gazpacho
72. Warm chocolate chip cookies
73. Absinthe
74. Corn on the cob
75. Whipped cream (don't like)
76.Pomegranate (fav fruit with mango)
77. Fauxstess Cupcake
78. Mashed potatoes with gravy (without gravy)
79. Jerky (yucky)
80. Croissants

81. French onion soup
82. Savory crepes
83. Tings
84. A meal at Candle 7985
85. Moussaka
86. Sprouted grains or seeds
87. Macaroni and “cheese” (depends how it's made)
88. Flowers
89. Matzoh ball soup
90. White chocolate (not my fav)

91. Seitan (hope it tastes better than it looks)
92. Kimchi
93. Butterscotch chips (in cookies)
94. Yellow watermelon (not a big fan of watermelon)
95. Chili with chocolate
96. Bagel and Tofutti
97. Potato milk
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Raw cookie dough

10 Things I Want To Do Before I Turn 30!

2008-09-07T19:26:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I only have 35 days but hey, better late than never:)

1. Start a creative business with Jude. (This in the works as we are in the beginning stage of a videography business...stay tuned.)
2. Write more and on a regular basis. Start submitting work on a weekly basis.
3. Finish reading at least one book. (Being ADHD, I'm often reading a bunch of books at one time and I'd like to concentrate on and finish one by October 14.)
4. Have dinner at an Indian Restaurant. (Do not order cat:) This is an ongoing joke with Jude and I because our old vet also owned an Indian Restaurant.)
5. Get name change process started and get a passport.
6. Work harder on healthy living. (I'm pretty good with it but because of the move, I picked up a couple bad habits. I'd like day one of year 30 to be after a super healthy and awesome month!)
7. Work toward ridding myself of anger. And as my newest tattoo says, "Laugh, Eat, Pray". These are the things I'd like to do more and better.
8. Wear my beautiful and red, forties style dress (that fits like it was made for me) out to a nice dinner.
9. Fall in love all over again....with Jude:)
10. Go on a family camping trip.

Things to do after 30

1. Grow SO MUCH MORE in Christ.
2. See Australia, Panama, Italy, Ireland and Prince Edward Island.
3. Do missionary work with YWAM Panama.
4. Learn to speak more fluent Spanish, Sign Language and Italian (possibly Japanese).
5. Get published many times over.
6. Listen more to others and be more patient and trusting.
7. Grow stronger in my marriage and as a mother.
8. Learn to sow (I think I may know some people that can help with that:)
9. Live more actively creative.
10. Find a wonderful "adopted" extended family for Lucy to grow up with so that she won't miss out on grandparents and cousins and such.

Just Call Me.....Anonymous

2008-09-06T10:41:00.000-07:00

Ok, so you're all probably going to want to strangle me but for my entire life, I've been trying to change my/ pick a pen name. I really fell in love with Piper about three years ago and used it to self publish a book, The Alpine Garden Series and to write for a local newspaper. The only problem was, I HATED the way I signed the name. I just couldn't figure out a pretty way to do it and get it to flow like I could on Avery or Rory or Story. So, the other night, I'm doodling names and I come up with the most beautiful signature for Piper. Needless to say, I'm going back to it and I promise, sticking with it. In the next few months, we're going to make our name changes legal and we'll send out name change announcements. Unfortunately, this means you all have to get used to Piper instead of Avery. Sorry guys:( But I still totally love you all and that will erase all lasting damage. Smooches.

Long time...no write

2008-09-04T11:30:00.000-07:00

I am writing to say that I know it's been a while since I've written something new but that I have not stopped writing on this here blog...say that last part with a Southern accent. Somewhere between the move, school starting up, the SARK blog contest (I wanted to leave the entry up for long enough), work being REALLY bad/slow (for Jude), Pop being in the hospital yesterday with a UTI, again (Urinary Tract Infection that almost went into his blood stream...Thank you Lord!), and Barbara having a complete freak out melt down over the weekend, I've not had a lot of extra time. Plus, I'm trying to make time to work (write) so that I might actually get...gasp! published.

And I don't mean to complain, because somehow I haven't thrown myself off a cliff yet, but I often wonder if we're being punished and if so for what horrible offense? I just feel like everything in our life is an uphill battle. Nothing has gone smoothly, ever, not my childhood, school, our wedding, Lu's birth, extended family, housing, career. I try and have faith and I really do trust God to take care of us. Heck, what gigantic catastrophes didn't befall us because we had angels watching over us, but just one week of peace would be the most humongous and wonderful gift to me! I know it sounds like I whine a lot and ask for prayers, but I'm going a bit crazy and am starting to fog out on life in general because it's so much easier than feeling all the sadness and anger. Only, that's not the person I want to be because it's not the person I was created to be and I could just really use some little miracles (and prayers) right now. Thanks girls and smooches your way.

I will write happiness as soon as it comes (it always does, even just in small wonders).

MY WORLD OF MAKE BELIEVE

2008-08-12T21:00:00.002-07:00

On June 19, 1994 my mother gifted me a colorful book entitled A Creative Companion: How to Free Your Creative Spirit. She stumbled across it in a gift shop at the San Francisco airport on her way to Hawaii and thought of me. I was 15 years old at the time and had been drawing outside the lines for my entire life. I found writing in Kindergarten and the characters quickly became part of my life as did a flare for the dramatic and eccentric. I was the girl whose arrival everyone awaited in fourth grade because I often had different colored socks on. And while I didn't mind being me, I did sometimes feel like the girl that drew purple tree trunks while everyone else fought over the brown crayons.

Then came SARK and her book and suddenly, I was ok just as I was. I knew I would be one crazy and creative adult and that I would never conform and be like everyone else. SARK made the juicy adult life that I dreamed of a reality and even more so I began to really love that my skies were sometimes rainbow colored and that my friends referred to me as Punky Brewster.

Here I am now, almost 30 and having grown up with SARK. I have an eight year old daughter that has fully embraced her own creative living. We talk to fairies and decorate the pictures in our home with flowery head wreaths instead of frames. We paint on our walls and make murals to hang on the ceiling and put glow in the dark stars all over our rooms. She too will grow up loving herself for her awesome imagination and someday she will be a wonderfully creative woman, she has even recently started to write. We need those that break the mold because they are where art and literature and music comes from.

I continue to write because I cannot go for long before I get that passion of expression tingling inside me, when the paper in front of me is thirsty and only the sweetness of a juicy pen can quench it and rehydrate my soul.

I'm so thankful that SARK lives her life true to who she is because her writing has helped me live true to who I am in the very best and colorful ways possible.

Quick Moving Update

2008-07-30T20:25:00.000-07:00

Hello from....my house is scary.....me! We're finally going to start our move on Friday morning and hopefully be pretty much done by Sunday night. I guess this is a blog update for Nicole:) because Liz and Tirza are away and Jude knows we're moving! So, we would like to know which day(s) you and Aaron are available for a house warming get together in the next two weekends (present upcoming weekend excluded.) Let us know cause we really want you to join us and there's enough land for the children to run out their energy and that, is always a good thing:) SMOOCHES!!!!

Hey Nicole....doesn't have the same ring as Hey Jude!

2008-07-23T17:59:00.001-07:00

Ok, in my defense, I didn't know when your birthday was but....................

HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

I have appreciated getting to know you better through blogging. I so like that you are REAL and that you speak the truth. Until now I thought I was the only one with that "special" trait:) I think your family is awesome and that you're doing a fabulous job with your boys. It is such a peace to see you and Liz raising your kids to be true warriors of Christ. And it doesn't make me feel all alone in trying to live morally. Thanks for including us in your life:) Have the most blessed year ever.

Love, Lucy, Jude and whoever I am this week:)

Count Down...

2008-07-23T10:26:00.001-07:00

Welp, it's a count down!

9 Days to Moving day!

My house looks like poo with lots and lots of boxes and stuff everywhere. Oh wait, my house kinda always looked like this. I told Jude that after five years, the only way I could get the house cleaned is by moving out of it:) I know, I know, curious minds wish to know where we have chosen to run from the madness that is our life. We desperately wanted to get out of state and I do mean desperately. However, in researching our options it was brought to our attention that other visitors Pop receives only come once a month when the bill is due and so we didn't feel like we could abandon him. What we decided on, is an 18 month lease to own (that and because of the housing problems, there isn't a rush on loaning money to those that are self employed/ stated income without 20% down. Sure, I'll just pull that out of my butt!) Anyway, it's a beautiful 1930's house in....drum roll please....DESCANSO (so far away) with a granny flat so Jude can close down his office in town and have less to pay every month. I'll post some pictures as soon as we're in. And I hope, for those that live close, you'll come join us when we have an open house. Big yard for rambunctious children:)

In other news, after the latest battle of family fighting....Smiths this time and all the changes, I've been having a little trouble with some eating issues (I seem to do this every summer, it's like my winter). I'm working on it and praying on it and have managed to not lose any weight in the past few days...yeah! I would appreciate a GIGANTIC prayer covering until we can get settled into the new house. Things are going a bit better with my dad, so that helps. Thanks guys for all the words of wisdom and silliness during this wondrous year of blogging:) I'm looking forward to all the good life has to offer in the future.

By the way, I have been ordered by a certain husband to quit being ridiculous (because we live so far) and get together with Nicole. We like that Nicole, she's real:) Thanks for everything ladies...smoochie woochie

A Poem for Summer

2008-07-21T21:10:00.000-07:00

Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein

There is a place where the sidewalk ends. And before the street begins, And there the grass grows soft and white, And there the sun burns crimson bright, And there the moon-bird rests from his flight. To cool in the peppermint wind. Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black. And the dark street winds and bends. Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow. We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow, And watch where the chalk-white arrows go. To the place where the sidewalk ends. Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow, And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go, For the children, they mark, and the children, they know. The place where the sidewalk ends.

Summer Dress Up Fun!

2008-07-15T22:54:00.000-07:00

Lu and her friend Aurora played dress up in my clothes. I did Aurora's makeup too, she looked so pretty, as did Lu of course.

This was half way through the pictures, Lu's first red ant bite.

Nothing a little ice couldn't fix.

Pretty Lu with a flower leaf in her hair.

Pretty Morning Glory clusters in our yard.

Morning Glory close up. I always think of God and the Crucifixion when I see the inside of flowers.

Aurora looking all grown up and gorgeous.

Sweet girls.

Aurora sweetly placing the flower leaf in Lu's hair. Aurora's family is moving back to Stockton soon. Lu's sure going to miss her friends.

Fourth of July

2008-07-09T21:44:00.000-07:00

Again, the pix are out of order.

Lu with a view:)

Lu fishing (without a hook but with some cheese...they didn't like the salami)

Lu and Uncle Jono
Daddy and Lu.

The boys.

There I am with my bug eyes.

Jono gets silly.

Jude, below deck.

Crazy Sisters!

2008-07-05T20:56:00.001-07:00

Kat and I decided to do eachothers makeup. I played hers down (she usually puts more on) and she played mine up (I usually wear powder and chapstick:)

Pretty Miss Kat
So pwitty and yet so scary!

I think I look 15 in this picture, probably the braids. Lu put bows in them.

Get my good side!

We're so hot....bet you wish you could be just like us.

Very Cool Trip!

2008-07-02T16:51:00.000-07:00

Just before I start with the "real trip" pictures, I have finally figured out how to get my husband to smile in pictures.....put a bra on his head. Who knew?

We finally took our L.A. trip to the American Girl world. We were supposed to do it for Lu's 8th birthday in Feb but there were extenuating circumstances...hee hee....understatement. We left Sunday morning and returned Tuesday afternoon. Here are the pix, they are totally out of order because I always forget to do them backwards and now I'm too lazy to fix it.

Lu and her new doll, Kirsten in matching pajamas.

Lu and mom in the hotel.

Us at the American Girl store.

Lu in front of the Kit movie sign.

Tickle monster!

The American Girl cafe. Very pretty and very um...pink!

The dolls get their own seats and little tea cups and saucers. They even gave Scruffy one too.

Pretty Miss Lu with dessert: a star cookie, piece of really yummy cake and choco mousse! They let you take home the flower in the dessert and the bows (in her hair) that are napkin holders.

Kit and Lucy ready for the Kit movie premiere. We got to see it a couple of days early!

That's the face a person makes when the flash goes off in their eyes in a dim theater.

In the theater, we got free shirts and posters. (I say free but I'm pretty sure we paid for them:)

This is right after Lu got Kirsten. Awww, the love between a girl and her doll....

Errr....dolls. Because of them, Lu will not be attending college:)

Viva!

2008-06-24T18:52:00.000-07:00

Hmm...quick life update since I haven't blogged much lately. Only a few family issues but over all, things have been really quiet. Hence the lack of blogging.

So, least important info first. One of those guys that sells meat out of his truck because he "bought too much and has to get rid of it" showed up at my door today. I'm in my Pink (brand) pajamas, green with recycling emblems all over them and a violet Emily Strange shirt. My hair is hanging messy (I haven't brushed it yet) and I have a big white glob of face cream on a zit on the left side of my face. I actually don't look too bad considering, but I am a bit of a mess. I step outside half way, he's on the other side of the stairs, "is your mother or father home?" he asks. "I am the mother." I smile. He pitches me and I tell him we don't really eat red meat. I send him on to torture the neighbors. Perhaps if he had a catchy jingle on his truck like the ice cream man, he'd sell more. People lined up for miles to get their meat-cicles. I would have to ask my parents first though, I mean if it's ok to have one before dinner:)

In other news, we're waiting to hear back from the owner of a house we've fallen in love with, for a lease to own. We're also waiting to hear about a big job that would turn the lease into an own much faster. We're praying SO HARD!!!!

Unfortunately, we got a bit behind on Lu's schoolwork this year with all the um...crap. So we're on a mad dash but we're almost there which means she'll get a bit of time off for summer and then we'll start fourth grade fresh in September.

Lu is enjoying Vacation Bible School this week and making new friends, yea! I think we've decided on continuing AWANAS next year, along with CYT, basketball and possibly Future Farmer's of America or Girl Scouts. As for the summer. I've been madly working on my memoir and am planning on helping grow Lu's artistic talents. Jude has a job in L.A. next week and we're planning on going up with him. Lucy collects American Girl dolls and we've been promising her forever to go to the store in L.A., so.... We have a deal with her too, there are six books for each girl and when she finishes reading an entire series, she gets the doll. She's been reading a lot:) She even has the Kit movie (the first released in actual theaters), air date memorized for the last six months. She's planning on bringing her Kit doll to watch it too.

Latest book- Marya Hornbacher's Madness, A Bipolar Life. Her book Wasted is one of my favorites.

I guess that's all for now. I have to try and talk Regent University into letting me defer my start date one last time to the beginning of the year. I hope they'll let me. Welp, uh gu bu, uh gu bu, uh gu bu, that's all folks.

Prayers Needed

2008-06-20T17:57:00.000-07:00

Anorexia Victim's Suicide Sparks Lawsuit
Family Claims Health Insurance Co. Said It Was "Pulling The Plug" On Her Hospitalization.

This is my friend/ neighbor Janell Smith. She was 26 years old. The case is in court Monday the 30th. Please pray for a favorable outcome. Her family needs some justice and closure. She was an awesome person and deserved so much more. You can watch the whole story at: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/06/19/earlyshow/health/main4193963.shtml

Happy Feather's Day

2008-06-15T11:47:00.000-07:00

Mistaking Father's Day for Feather's Day, Herbert joined his family for Sunday morning service dressed in his wife's pink boa. Unfortunately the congregation did not see the humor and Herbert landed in counseling. His children, Bobby and Susie sulked in corners and wore all black. "Mourning", they replied when asked. Poor Mary, Herbert's wife, was kicked out of the book club primarily because it's not considered gossip if the person's sitting right there. In the end, they are forced to move to a different town, flamigoville, where the plight of the flamingo is top priority. In hearing of Herbert's "mishap", he was made an honorary hero. The family becomes town royalty, Mary is made head of the book club and the children incorporate color into their wardrobe once more. The moral of the story is that men shouldn't wear boas and that whoever you are, there's a place that you'll fit in. It's all about finding the right family. And did I mention that men shouldn't wear boas?

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to all the great dad's but especially to the special one in my life. Jude, (aka:) to MacGyver obsessions, Indiana Jones marathons, games of War with Lu, homemade ice cream and eight years of learning to be parents together. I look forward to figuring out the rest of it in the years to come as we become the parents God made us to be. We love you, Lu & Avery and all the CRAZY animals in this CRAZY house:)

More Spare Change Puh-leaze!

2008-06-11T18:59:00.000-07:00

So Liz and Nicole inspired me to start with some small changes, my blog. Some more cheerful colors and a little attitude. Hmmm. Thank you ladies:) SMOOCHES!!!!

Any Spare Change?

2008-06-01T23:22:00.000-07:00

I have NEVER been good with change. I realize it's part of life and therefore I must accept it. Perhaps it is the writer side of me that looks far too deeply into things. I hate that I view everything small as a sign that my universe has somehow fallen off kilter and therefore is bound to implode at any moment. Take Alpine for instance. What happened to my Alpine? My sweet little town that during my teen years friends referred respectfully to as "cow patty land." No one wanted to drive to the "middle of nowhere." I found solace in my writing and found imagination. Not that I had a choice, but I'm thankful regardless.

Now, it's Albertson's and ugly brown cookie cutter houses, Starbucks, a remodeled Alpine Inn (I liked the musty Pirate's of the Caribbean feel), and the entire Daniels Market area gone. It might be pathetic but I liked the old pharmacy and the Radio Shack. I remember going into the now torn down building that was once a bank (and later Gymtricks), when I was a little girl. I don't know why but I always thought banks were the coolest thing. They were quiet and looked and smelled like a hotel. The women that worked at them had perfectly styled hair with manicured nails.

Most significant still, family and friends. This area of my life has changed so dramatically in the past few months. It's a bit frightening when one is forced to realize that all the things they thought they could count on for stability, actually have a false bottom. I have had to take a really hard look at who I am, what my family (Lu and Jude) means to me and how I want the three of us to live. I've also had to step back and look clearly at the people in my life and whether or not they give as much as they take. The biggest change was coming to grips with some experiences that took place in my childhood that I had not wanted to face the truth about. I had to learn that someone I'd always viewed as a hero, because I wanted him to be, wasn't.

We're looking at a move in a few months, the town I love won't be my home anymore, not that I recognize it anyway. Jude and I will turn 30 this year, we might try and adopt a baby, I'm still trying to decide whether I want to start college back up in August or concentrate full time on writing, and we're going it alone, without the support of extended family. My only regret in that, is for Lu. She deserves wonderful grandparents. Thankfully, we have many supportive friends that we consider family.

I guess change is a little scary for everyone, even if they enjoy it. I just have to remember that the most important things in my life were born out of change: Steps in my Christian walk, maturity, marriage and my baby girl, the amazing Miss Lu. Whatever change lies ahead of me in the last months of my twenties, I know God is orchestrating. And whatever doors he opens, we will walk through faithfully. God's got plans for my thirties and for this family. Painful journeys aren't so bad in life if we take something from them. Without the struggles, how could we truly appreciate the blessings?

Oregon Fun!

2008-05-27T12:05:00.001-07:00

We also spent a day working at a local farm so I'll post a part II soon.

The sweet Miss Annah, hugging Samantha.

Hippie girl Lu, ready for the farm!

Scruffy, mom & Lu.
Mira & Lu playing outside in beautiful Oregon.

Mira, Lu and Annah with their American Girl dolls.

Jude, Lu, Scruffy, Mira and Shane riding stick horses (the girls not the dad's) in the Silverton pet parade.

I like this pic of our family but I feel like I look puffy....can a person look puffy?

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go.....

2008-05-14T08:49:00.000-07:00

We're leaving tomorrow for a week and a half and I don't know if I'll have an oppurtunity to read or write. So, if I don't, I guess we'll talk when I'm back. Try not to have any babies while I'm gone:)

A Rose by any other name.....

2008-05-11T21:37:00.000-07:00

Hi All,
And by all I mean the three people that read this blog:) No worries, I love you all and appreciate you reading my rants. Liz, aren't you sorry you talked me into blogging:) Ok, so as much as I love my husband, I just never felt comfortable taking his last name. For a while, we discussed taking mine but due to circumstance, his heart really wasn't into it. The thing is, we're very close, The Three Musketeers, but we've never felt 100% united because I have my maiden name and Danny has his name and Lu has both hyphenated. I've never been a Mrs. because one isn't called that when they have their maiden name. Also, at events for Lu, like at church and such, I've always felt that it appeared like her parents weren't married and I'm really proud that we're married and have been for so long.

There's so much that has gone on in the past two years and at current that I don't share here because it's too much and I'm sure you all don't want to read a novel. However, we have decided we will be making an out of state move, hopefully by August and we are really feeling the need to be united as a family more than ever. And to have a new start.

That being said, we've picked a last name that we love and are going to start the legal proceedings this week. Only, I've been considering changing my first name since birth:) and figure now is the time to do it. Also, Danny did some art work for one of my books and used the name Christian Daniel but his brother's name is Chris and he didn't want to be called that. One night we started talking about my favorite Saint, Jude. The Patron Saint of hopeless causes. I told Danny that he reminded me a lot of Saint Jude because he likes to help everyone. To my surprise, he fell in love with it. I know it will take some getting used to, and we've kept our original names in the mix in case some just can't do it. However, we have chosen and they are as follows:

Jude Christian Daniel Landry
Avery Jessica Joy Landry (Avery means councilor, which gave me a laugh and seemed perfect)
Lucy Erika Joy Sailor Landry (I know, poor kid but I could never decide so I gave them all to her and thankfully, she loves them!)

Hope all of you had a fabulous Mom's Day as you are all fabulous mothers!

Early Mother's Day

2008-05-08T19:20:00.000-07:00

Kami and I wanted to have tea for Mother's Day but the local place is closed on Sunday so we went today. It was by far the best Mom's Day I've ever had!

The tea shoppe, it reminds me of a little Snow White type cottage.

Yes, Danny enjoys tea too:) But he didn't dress up.

Lady Rose, Lady Snapdragon and Lady Violet (the names they gave and called themselves and each other during the lunch).

The girls. Lady Kamelot (Kami) and Lady Estoria (me, because it has the name Story in it). I feel like I was posed strange in the picture. I look awkward.

Some of the pictures are out of order. This one was taken after tea at the local nursery.

A friendly bird kept landing near us. He's so pretty!

Lady Snapdragon (Aurora) and Lady Violet in deep conversation.

At the nursery on a hammock.

Kami.
Aurora looking very lovely in the hammock.

Do the Can-Can...that has a double meaning here:)

2008-05-05T15:49:00.000-07:00

So, about 4-6 months ago, I had the brilliant idea to start preserving or canning or jarring, whatever. I LOVE fresh jellies and jams and have a strange obsession with blueberries and pomegranates and mangoes, all seasonal fruits. I figured, if I learn to preserve, I can have them all year long! I ordered a starter kit on Amazon so I'd have some idea of what I was doing. Seriously, the boiling pot is big enough to cook a small child in. Not that I would do that. Ok it depends on the child. Not the point. I had to find a place to store it. I did. It fit nicely into a nook on a bookshelf in my family room. In fact, it looked so lovely, that I allowed it to remain there. I tried to dust it now and then but the spiders seemed really comfortable and they'd worked so diligently to build their home. I'm sure it was a journey much like that of the pioneers. How could I just evict them because I HAD to have jam or jelly? Really. I'm just not that selfish of a person.

Then, last week (Thursday to be exact) I woke up and declared (that word is to be spoken with a southern accent)to myself, (if I just awakened and declared it out loud, Danny may have thought me crazy-er) am I going to talk about the way I want to live or am I going to live? Then I went back to sleep until 10. We'd gotten to bed really late the night before. And when I woke up, the second time, I said yes, I am going to live! So, I made a plan with my neighbor Kami that we were going to have fresh jelly by the end of the weekend, no matter what.

I started the process late afternoon on Friday and had everything ready to stir by the time Kami arrived. She stirred and stirred and stirred (I offered to stir but she said something about tightening the flab on her underarms which she doesn't actually have). Finally, it was finished, we knew this because there was a slight burning odor about it, and ready to be placed in the jars for further boiling. It was around this time that we realized the "jelly" was cementing itself to the side of the funnel. Hmmm...it's not supposed to do that right? Maybe the boiling will help. No such luck. What we had? Apple brittle, only not as easy to chew. We put it on some wax paper thinking we could use it as candy. That would've been a good idea if we liked to eat wax paper, or if my ultimate goal in life is to have dentures before I turn 30.

We tossed the first batch and started over. By the end of the night, we had Apple soup. It was just too darn watery! I awoke Saturday morning like a crazed woman on a mission. I took that soup and added a bit of this and that and stirred and stirred and stirred and stirred and boiled and stuck it in the refrigerator to sit. Sunday morning, we had toast and the best darn apple jelly I've every eaten! And in the long run, I really enjoyed making it. I think I have a new love and you know, it's time I did start living my life instead of just planning it. Even if all I get it wax paper apple brittle and apple soup. At least my diet won't be lacking in fiber:)

School pix 4 Lu

2008-05-04T17:38:00.001-07:00

I really like this one when it's blown up

I took a few with Lu and Danny too

Pretty little one

We thought this one was the most school picture-ish

But Lu chose this one

TAGGERS!!!!

2008-04-28T18:58:00.000-07:00

Fine Liz, but I can see you're out to get me:) I'll have to think about who to tag and get back to you.

1. Step out your front door and take a picture.2. Step out your back door and take a picture.3. Put them on your blog, along with the rules.4. If there are things in the photos that you particularly like or dislike, you can point them out, or just explain what we are seeing. Maybe changes over the seasons or some junk in your neighbor's yard that drives you nuts.5. Tag as many or few people as you like - preferably at least one though.6. Do it again next month if you like.

Somehow that ugly laundry room looked a little nicer in the surprise snow we had on Valentines Day.
Told you it was ugly. I hate it! The only good thing about the location of our house is that it's around back and away from the main street.

This is the back. It actually was pretty when we moved in. The side hill was covered with Ivy. But, we had to put this fence up for our dogs and they trampled the Ivy. The good thing is, it stays really cool because of the trees so the dogs are happy.

This is the side view from our front door. It's a big and beautiful field. What one wouldn't know is that all the septic is underneath it....special huh?

Those Crazy Homeschoolers!

2008-04-28T10:25:00.000-07:00

For all you new homeschooling parents, I feel our family has, in a small way, gone before and hopefully smoothed the path. Of course, some of you came from homeschooling families so perhaps that path wasn't so rocky to begin with, but still. One would think that in this day and age, people wouldn't be so ignorant concerning this topic and yet, amazingly, they are! If one more person "kindly" reminds me how important it is to socialize my daughter, I'm going to SCREAM! Yes, like many children she clams up with those she doesn't know but um...sorry, I'm not going to tell her to go ahead and warm up to those strangers immediately, even if they are family. She has to come around in her own time when she feels safe. That's how children learn to trust their instincts.

No, I am not raising Lu in a commune. And I can't sow to save my life and don't care to learn. I'll leave that to Liz, she makes cute things. The strangest thing I've heard concerning Lu's schooling, and I've heard it often which is why it's so strange, is, "later on when she goes to school." Um, there's not going to be a later until college. I guess people just assume that when she gets to high school, that's it. I did have one friend that asked what will happen when we get to subjects like geometry. "I guess I'll take a class and learn geometry." I answered. I'm sure most of you know that I did not get the chance to really work hard and enjoy the learning aspect of school when I was in it. That's part of the reason, amongst many others, that Danny and I very easily and early on, agreed on homeschooling. I wanted Lu to enjoy the entire educational process and not just that, but succeed beyond her wildest dreams! That's part of the reason I worked my backside off when she was born to finish the work to earn my diploma. How could I teach her the importance of education when I hadn't even finished mine? Now, she'll understand that regardless of the trials life throws our way, we must prevail until we're victorious.

Someone else recently said, "yes, she might love it now but later she may want to do the 8-3 day in a regular school." Maybe, but that doesn't mean she's going to get to make that choice. Honestly, knowing my daughter, I doubt that will ever appeal to her. However, I thought about that after I got off the phone and I mentioned it to Danny. We decided right then that this is not one of the topics that is negotiable. Simply because our reasons, and when Lu is older we will explain them to her, are not one's that will change with time and are well founded and Biblically and educationally backed. Or in basic terms, we believe this is best for her.

Ok, so the upside to homeschooling in the few years that we've been doing it? First, I love teaching and I am good at it! Who knows, I've been tempted to get a degree in teaching and someday might just do that. Two, our family relationship is so close and strong, a foundation I pray makes all the difference in the teen years. Three, my daughter is able to be surrounded with really good and moral friends because I have a say in who she hangs out with more than I would if she attended a "regular" school. This will come in handy especially during the above mentioned teen years. Four, we have time for many extra curricular activities because she's not putting in as long a day. Five, I get to choose what she learns so she will be tutored in Spanish and French and Italian, learn different instruments, how to cook, garden, live healthy, devour literature and so much more! Six, she will most likely graduate around 15 or 16 years old as many in her school do. An impressive fact is that several alumni from our school work in politics. This means, Christian homeschoolers are taking their place in the white house after graduation. Maybe we stand a chance at redemption after all:)

A friend of mine, who is starting her own two girls in homeschool next year, posted on her blog that her eldest daughter, a Kindergartner, is reading at a second grade level. I know she will be even more amazed at where her daughter is after a year of homeschooling. I got to thinking about what level Lu is reading at. I should probably test her yearly to make sure she's being challenged. I found a testing site online. She missed one word (successful) on the eighth grade reading test. The test didn't go higher than eighth. I was astonished. I believe that the biggest difference with teaching at home is just allowing our children to learn to their ability. By that, I mean as slowly or quickly as they need. Ashlynn and the boys and Mira and Annah are going to soar at home as Lu has. If Mira is already loving books this much and reading at such a high level, she'll be reading Chaucer by the end of first grade:) I hope no one thinks I'm coming off as braggy (our principals wife says first born daughters overachieve in school) because I take no credit for Lu. God put her together wonderfully, as He did all our children and I am just in awe everyday as I watch her grown and learn. I am proud of her and proud of the decision we made to teach her.

I hope our positive experiences give you a little extra confidence in your own journey's. Homeschooling is not for everyone and it's certainly not the best thing for every child and parent. Those who are well suited for it, I believe have made a wise choice and non of us can even begin to fathom, for the long run, the amazing blessings we will receive from taking such a large role in our children's education. We're in charge of molding the next generation, a big responsibility. Knowing all of you, I have confidence that they will be an amazing group of people.

A Garden Filled with Weeds Cannot Thrive

2008-04-26T15:30:00.000-07:00

I find it so funny, and all mom's know this, how life often lives you instead of you living life. I have this wonderful plan in my head. One clean house, one well rounded and educated child, one fed and um....loved:) husband. This plan, of course, is void of neighbors dropping in, work dilemma's that go hours longer than they are supposed to, and most of all, family members that are a bit, is there a nice way to say this? No, so I'll just say it, CRAZY!!

I am happy that I do have the idea in my head of how I want to live my life. That's a start. And perhaps, for our family, it is God's little nudge to consider uprooting and finding an entirely new place to flourish. Ok, I've got it. It's kinda like a garden where there lives two flowers and their seeds produce a little bud. But there are some weeds that keep popping up and threatening the flowers and placing the bud in danger. Perhaps the best thing, since nothing else seems to be working, is to relocate the flowers and the bud to a safer garden. Sure, there is always the threat of weeds in the world, one would expect that. But in one's own garden, shouldn't there be peace in the knowledge that one is safe from weeds? Wow, talk about killing a metaphor! If you read this and have a sudden urge to visit your local nursery, that's ok.

So, we've already run this by a couple Christian friends and a couple non Christian friends. I'd like your opinions as well since I value them. If you recall, Danny and I had a wedding/ party in 2006. We planned on writing vows and adding some other wedding traditions but things got a bit messed up (are we seeing a pattern here?) so it just ended up being a party. Now, having said that, it was the only wedding we got so it was supposed to be somewhat sacred. Well, a couple of weeks before the wedding, I decided to check out Danny's sister's, who we were not too thrilled with at that point because she was doing some questionable things with her life, the latest at the time, breast implants, myspace page. I found her main picture to be one of her and Lucy while the rest were mostly of Jana with her breasts hanging out, a couple with girls touching/ licking them (over the shirt) and comments about how hot her t_ _ts looked. Danny immediately called and told her to remove our daughter's picture. Which she refused.

At the end of the conversation, Danny told her if she didn't remove the picture, not to bother coming to the wedding. She said, "Well I was invited so I'm coming," to which he replied, "you are being uninvited and if you show up, we will have you removed." He tried to discuss what was wrong with Lu's picture being on it again but was met with yelling and cussing. So, the day of the wedding arrives and Danny didn't think she'd show up but I kept telling him I wasn't so sure. She arrived at the very beginning. Now, this is three weeks after we talked to her so she had ample time to remove the picture and make things right but chose not to. I kept Lu in the bathroom with me while Danny told Jana to leave. She threw a fit and his parents started fighting alongside of her, saying if she left they'd go with her. At some point my dad stepped in and said he'd go too until I explained to him why and that in the future, if we're doing something that extreme, we have a darn good reason. He took our side after that. In the end, I was in the bathroom crying (I'd just gotten over the flu) and Danny's mom left with Jana and didn't come back. A week after, we threatened legal action and the picture was finally removed. His parents, even after we explained everything, took her side.

Ok, so jump ahead to Christmas where Danny's brother Chris moves in with yet another girlfriend after three weeks of dating and a short time later knocks her up. We go to dinner with them, after he proposes with a forty five hundred dollar ring on credit, just to hear his mother brag and rant about how proud she is of him for being eligible for so much credit and all about the baby and "oh, Lucy did you hear, you're getting a little cousin." When we mentioned that we'd been looking into adoption, his mother didn't even acknowledge that we'd said anything. There was so much money talk, Danny and I actually felt ill after dinner. However, they hadn't seen our office so we brought them over. "Do the lights actually work?" His mom asked, "Do these computers and phones work?" His brother asked. Danny and I, looking shocked I'm sure, answered yes, how could we run a business if those things didn't work? A short time later, they miscarried and Lucy said, "Maybe God let that happen because they aren't married."

Again, a short while later, Chris' fiance joined Danny's parents on a little trip where the two ladies got drunk together and Shannon shared that they're trying to get pregnant again. Then, a couple weeks ago, Shannon called Danny to tell her that they moved the wedding up to August and would he be in the wedding party. Danny's dad called him the next day all excited and planning the dinner and Sandy and Shannon and Shannon's mom are planning and having fun. And Danny got upset. I guess things hadn't been entirely resolved from our wedding but he was really hurt and he doesn't usually get like that. He called his dad and tried to explain his feelings about how we were treated at our wedding and how Lucy should be protected in her family, and we didn't feel the wedding and the people attending would be the best for her to be around. Fred started trying to make Danny feel guilty by saying he should come without us then for Chris. Danny tried to discuss the problems with the entire situation for three days but Fred continued to say Danny was just angry and he kept standing up for Jana and Chris' actions. Danny told him that if his family couldn't go, he didn't want to be there either.

Fred also told Danny that since we didn't do vows and such at our wedding, it really wasn't as much a wedding as Chris' is going to be. "It's the only wedding we're going to have." Danny reminded him. "Chris is really upset that you're not going to be there, he's almost crying." At that point I got upset and shouted, "I cried at my wedding Fred, why didn't you care then?" I told Danny that Fred and Sandy are wrong to criticize us and stand up for the immoral acts of their other children. But that it's hard enough to admit to being wrong in general let alone to your child. Since it was making Danny feel so bad and nothing was being accomplished I told him that he should step back for a while until he could work through his feelings and disappointment. We're not angry, just hurt and sad that nobody is bothering to protect the youngest member of the family or teach her morality by living it and being aunt's and uncle's that are role models for her.

So, what do you all think? We believe we've done the right thing for our family and especially our daughter. Of course there's much more that has happened than I can write here without giving myself a hand cramp but that's the gist of it. We don't believe, like many, that we should just let bygones be bygones for special occasions at the risk of Lu's safety. Our job first and foremost is to protect our daughter and raise her up in Jesus, if that means we lose some family members, so be it. She should be able to rely on her family for safety and yet they've been the one's to put her in more danger than the outside world. That makes me so sad.

My adoption/ Earth Day

2008-04-20T19:23:00.000-07:00

If you enlarge this one you'll see what I loved about it, the cobwebs.

Flowers & Plants from the Botanical Garden at Balboa Park

Lu & Aurora
Every fairy needs a garden to reside.

Such a vibrant blue....Liz will appreciate it as much as I do:)

Seems like a little bit of Heaven shining down.

Tired of walking:)

Happy Birthday Jamie!

2008-04-18T20:31:00.000-07:00

HAPPY SMIRPDAY JAMIE! MY BEAUTIFUL SISTER AND PARTNER IN CRIME!

Yes, we lit the candles in the car.

My sweet niece Melody aka. Bean

Uncle Danny and baby Bean.

Our little angels:)

Aunt Jamie with Miss Lu.

Pretty Lucy at Viejas.

Lu and Scruffy posing pretty.

4-16-08 Hoppy Anniversary Danny!

2008-04-15T23:13:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm a half hour early but I wanted to post this before morning so.....

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY HONEY!!!! It's been a crazy nine years! Fun mixed in with a little madness! I'm looking forward to the years to come. I have high hopes that they will bring just a bit more peace!
Here's an anniversary poem just for you Honey:

No longer do I giggle like a school girl when you touch my hand,
But every time I’m frightened, I still reach for my man.

I may not watch your movies with all the guns and bombs,
But when the bad guy jumps out, I still leap into your arms.

I always save my best laughs for you,
My prettiest smiles, and sweetest kisses too.

I never want another man to dry my tears,
Or calm my fears.

I don’t want another girl to hug you,
No one could ever love you, like I do.

You’re my favorite person to fight,
And the last I bid good-night.

I’m glad to be your wife and friend,
I’m blessed that you’re my husband.

I look forward to each new stage,
Like a wonderful book that brings more excitement with each page.

Perhaps each day won’t bring an abundance of laughter,
But there’s no one I’d rather be with to spend my happily ever after.

Jessica Lennon (c) 2008

A Little Pre-Summer Fun

2008-04-13T20:54:00.000-07:00

Our friend "Uncle" Win (from Arizona) spent his birthday with us, an excuse for chocolate cake!

Lu with a fairy...looks like she's doing an endorcement:)

At friend Laura's house, all day, playing in the hose. My daughter is obsessed with water!

Pretty little one

Scruffy with her pet Lucy in the background

The last of the lilacs:( They smell so pretty and stay for such a short time

Mommy & Lu

Daddy and Lu make Popcorn in the "old fashion" maker.

Deep in thought with Scruffy by her side

The many faces of Miss Lu

2008-04-03T14:22:00.001-07:00

Lu and Kenya kitty share a drink, 50's style....yes, it's a little gross:)

Milk between two friends tastes the bestest

Christmas 06' Lu poses pretty

She looks like she has a secret:)

Every girl reserves the right to pout

Scruffy, what are you doing?
Princess Diana look
Good thing she's camera shy huh?

S'more Pix & a Little Poem

2008-04-01T19:21:00.001-07:00

St. Patricks Day has come and gone

It was filled with food and friends to bond

Those we love in funny hats, you know the kind that ties?

But now, at last, Spring has arrived, with rolling hills and butterflies.

It brings the making of fairies too, with daddy

And a bird or two

Then comes the game of hide and seek and little girls in lots of pink

So does the blooming of flowers give Spring its true meaning?

Nope, it's pasty white legs, bruised from EXTREME Spring cleaning!!!!

For Laura:)

2008-03-31T17:42:00.000-07:00

GOING....
GOING......
GONE!!!!

This is for my beautiful neighbor Laura:) Her "baby" Beau on Easter. He looks so cute! To Laura, God bless you. Many, many little miracles your way and all around you:) Smooches Pookie.

Bunny Day Pix

2008-03-29T20:57:00.001-07:00

Lu, Aurora and Auburn coloring Easter eggs.

Yes, Lu got a special Easter gift, a new bike. She'd long outgrown the old one.

Bunny love!

The bunny sure brings a beautiful basket.

Mommy's Easter outfit. And behind us, serious spring cleaning time!

Bestest friends:)

What a lovely couple....couple of what I don't know:)

Maybe it's the spring and we're twitterpated!

Lu shows off her pretty dress and her pretty self.

Scruffy helps Lu find eggs at Laura's house. She was so happy all day and had the best Easter! Lucy that is, not Scruffy, although I'm sure Scruffy enjoyed herself as well.

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

2008-03-22T21:12:00.000-07:00

So, we spent the week preparing for Easter and, seeing as it's my favorite holiday, enjoying the process. We went to see Pop on Thursday and ran into Tom and Barbara as they were leaving. I will admit, we were pretty cold but seriously, I just really needed some time to not be around them until I could work through my feelings. Barbara tried to get me to give her a hug and wasn't thrilled when I told her I'd prefer not to. On Friday, Danny sent them the bill for Pop's rent, Barbara and Agnes (aunt) are the one's with access to his social security check. He also included about $150 worth of bills for things we've recently purchased for Pop. Normally we don't ask for any back but just last week Barbara insisted (to Danny) she would cover anything we needed and to let her know.

Today, we brought an Easter basket to Pop and were in really good moods, he was happy and talking a lot. Then we get home and Barbara calls and leaves a message stating that we can take the $80,000 they loaned us for our house and pay for Pop's care. Danny called her back to tell her that the two had nothing to do with eachother and to make sure she was going to send the check so Pop didn't get kicked out. She told him they wanted all the money we owe them by April 1st. She hung up after cussing and saying some really nasty things. She called back and I picked up and she proceeded to threaten to sue us and then she told me she was going to call child services about the way we're raising Lu and to expect someone to show up. At that point I got really mad and told her she better not mess with my daughter.

Finally, Danny got a hold of Tom who informed us that we had written him off (he never once bothered to call and talk to us or to see if we were upset) and that he wanted us to sell our house and give him the money back in 15 days. "Where are we supposed to go?" Danny asked. He didn't respond and kept saying he wanted the money, plus interest. Finally, during a second phone call (that Danny made to assure Pop's rent would be paid) he told us we didn't have to sell just refinance and get him the money. Or we can pay for Pop's care (where the money they get for his social security would go I don't know).

It's so nice that after all we did for Pop, this is the way they thank us. Of course Barbara told Danny we didn't do anything. The actual words that were spoken during the phone calls are too inappropriate for here but basically, instead of trying to sit down and understand our side of things, they decided we were being mean and should just get over it.

I am determined to have a wonderful Easter and to remember the true meaning but goodness, sometimes spiritual battles feel more like wars! Thank you all for your faithful prayers and please continue to send them up for us. Happy Easter. I'll post pix of our day next week and I can't wait to see all of yours.

Patty's Day Fun

2008-03-18T16:21:00.000-07:00

Being Irish and all, St. Patrick's Day is important to me. I like to wear my green hair/head pieces and Kiss Me I'm Irish buttons and shirts or shamrock socks! For many years it was a celebration with my parents (while Lennon is the name of this generation of family, my great grandfather held the last name Ryan and even my biological father's last name is Meehan-Irish Spanish:)) where we were served Cornbeef and Cabbage, both of which I hate!

This year, I got to do it my way, green tablecloth and cups, clover plates and napkins, Irish Beef Stew (turned out really yummy), Herbed Irish Soda Bread, some kind of chocolate tapioca dessert, cupcakes with green frosting and decorated with Irish pictures (and one alien courtesy of Danny), and lastly, a big pitcher of 7-up mixed with pomegranate seltzer, colored green. Of course I only invited a couple of neighbors so we're going to be eating cupcakes until we're green in the face! But it turned out to be a lovely evening with celtic music playing in the background. My favorite is Loreena McKennitt. I especially love the way she sings "The Lady of Shalott".

One of our neighbors invited us to her house for Easter which is nice because I hadn't even really thought about what we were going to do later on in the day. We feel blessed.

Happy Green Day From the Little People

2008-03-16T19:48:00.000-07:00

Happy St. Patrick's Day from wee Lennon's:) and may your Haggis always be truly NASTY!!!!

Irish Blessing
May the roads rise to meet you,
May the winds always be at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields,
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow
of His hand.

An Irish Prayer
May God give you...
For every storm, a rainbow,
For every tear, a smile,
For every care, a promise,
And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share,
For every sigh, a sweet song,
And an answer for each prayer.

Big Blessing in Disguise!

2008-03-13T10:45:00.000-07:00

So yesterday morning Danny calls me and says he'd pulling off his job because Pop was being taken to the ER at Kaiser. His sweet nurse, Millie, was concerned because he seemed lethargic and appeared to be holding his chest and slurring his words. Danny stopped by to check in on him and he seemed fine. So, he came up to get me. We dropped Lucy off at a sweetheart of a neighbors house and headed down. Pop was in really good spirits and kept laughing and making faces at us.

I still haven't spoken to my parents since the original Pop issue but Danny gave my dad a quick call (next time we'll ask the nurse to) in the morning to let him know what was going on. Still to our dismay, he laughed and sounded all happy and blew it off like it was nothing and said he might get cut off because he was arriving at his destination and parking underground. We didn't hear from him again (Barbara called the nurse at the board and care facility but she didn't know anymore than we were telling her) until 5:00Pm when we were heading home from the hospital. Danny asked if he was going to stop by and he said probably not because he had to drive up to L.A. for a job and had to run home first. We were thinking, well gee, take five minutes to say hi on the way up. We found out later (I was on the phone with Kat who hadn't even been told Pop was in the hospital) that Barbara and Tom were having dinner at a restaurant before he left for L.A.. So sad that he didn't have time for Pop.

Ok, so believe it or not, despite the fact that I felt really sorry for their behavior, especially for Pop's sake, I didn't allow myself to get all upset (Danny was) and best of all, some good came out of his hospital visit. First, he was acting "off" because he had a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) and when elderly people get that, they can become disoriented. He's had that before and some antibiotics should clear it all up in no time. But since he was already there, they ran every test imaginable and since he isn't able to easily go to the doctor, I was really glad to know what was going on inside him. He does have C(ongestive) H(eart) F(ailure) but his heart is still pretty much the same. However, about 6 months ago, at the Lennon house, I went to visit and we all agreed that Pop seemed a bit altered. His mouth was going to the side and he was slurring a bit. Having experienced the stroke with my dad, it came to mind. But we did some of the other tests to see if he had any other signs and he didn't. He was fine a couple hours later.

Well, to make an incredibly short point, long, the head scan yesterday did show he'd had a minor stroke. Poor Pop has been having some trouble getting his sentences/ thoughts out entirely and we all noticed his throat sounded a bit flemy, causing him to clear it sometimes when he eats. These are most likely stroke related. The doctor was really sweet and called us on the way home to recommend a different medicine that was a blood thinner. I'm praying that it will help his brain become a bit more clear so he can think and communicate better. I woke up feeling so thankful (the hospital called saying they're going to discharge him after lunch) that we were able to get these tests done for him and that maybe now, whatever life God has left for him will be more enjoyable. Also, perhaps we'll get a little more of our Pop back.

On the way home yesterday, Danny and I were talking about how Italian's are supposed to be all about family and blood. In the end, Danny thinks of Pop in regards to being his grandpa/ family, more than he ever did his own grandfathers. And ironically, Pop is being loved and cared for most by his grandson (in-law) and his "adopted" grandaugther. Where's the rest of the family? We also laughed about how everyone keeps saying we'll be rewarded for this (in Heaven I guess is what they mean). That's nice and all but this is Pop we're talking about. It doesn't take a saint to do right by him. The man deserves it! He's been better to us than anyone else in our family and has shown nothing but love and respect to us, how could we give any less back now that he needs us?

Today Lu and I are going out for a mom and daughter day of lunch and shopping. She's excited and it's a beautiful day for an outside mall. Later, I promised to bring Pop some Irish Creamer for his coffee:)

Ketchup!

2008-03-11T21:03:00.001-07:00

I have been very naughty about posting pictures so here you go....KETCHUP!

Lu's tinkerbell/fairy b-day cake. Friend Auburn's b-day was three days after so we had two combined-ish parties.

Too early in the morning (why we all look a bit sleepy) brother Michael visits with his lovely girlfriend Alex.

Lu (after her play) at Denny's with friends Aurora and Auburn (and not seen Laura and Kami).

Lu (with glowing eyes) as an explorer in CYT's (class Our Gang) George of the Jungle/ Tarzan. She had two speaking lines and a solo in "Hey hey we're the Monkey's".

Lu & Scruffy (Scruffy had a camoflauge shirt/ dress and also took part in the play, at one point even doing the hand motions) ready for the play...Lu got four pink (they look more red) highlights at the salon for a b-day present. Just because you're in the jungle doesn't mean you have an excuse not to look your best:)

Well, at least I look cute! What IS Danny doing? It's a little creepy.

Which path shall I take?

2008-03-06T22:42:00.000-08:00

For the first time in my entire life I don't feel like I owe anything to my parents. In 29 years of life I've never felt like I could have anything for myself. I felt somewhat resentful toward them but I also felt obligated. With Barbara, it was like that syndrome of feeling some sort of connection to one's abuser, only worse because it was mixed with the need of a daughter to have a connection to and be accepted and loved by her mother. Although I let Lu know it's just as ok to be sad or angry as it is to be happy, as her mommy, I also do everything in my power to keep adult situations that have especially upset me, away from her. This is because it never ceases to amaze me how much my eight year old is, emotionally, already a little woman. She feels so deeply, especially toward me. If she sees me crying, she starts crying too. A few times, when she's felt I was not being cared for good enough (by others), she's said, "don't worry mommy, I'll take care of you." The loyalty of a daughter to her mother. Only, unlike my "mother", I respond with, "no baby that's not your job. It's mine to take care of you."

I don't mean this to sound ungrateful because I don't have words to express how much of a burden has been lifted off of my shoulders, but it's going to take me a while to redefine who I am as a person (for almost 30 years) with no one but myself and my family to care for. It might take me a little time to learn to be happy and to relax. I have my ongoing concerns about the holidays or as time passes, what do I do if/when they try to contact us? I've tried to talk to them but they don't hear and so my best chance is to figure out myself and my feelings and if they are too toxic to allow back into my life or not. Everything in my entire life has been unfinished or put off because of the unpredictability of my world.

I had to fill out a questionnaire once for counseling and one of the things it asked was what my dad's expectations for my life where. After thinking about it I realized I had no idea. I called and asked him and he said, "well you know mom and I really never wanted to put any expectations on you kids just in case you couldn't live up to them." Wonderful! So they expected nothing and we became nothing. Great, I guess we lived up to their hopes of us.

Where do I go from here? I know who I am and have no idea how to be that person. I know what I want out of life but have no idea how to accomplish it. In the past year or so I've finally found a bit of confidence and yet I have a long way to go. I've been so terrified of failure my entire life that I just quit before I even tried. It's like I forfeited before I could fail. The dreams that have always been alive in me are the passion for writing and my desire to give Lu an amazing life! I want her to walk gracefully in the areas I fell on my face.

I think overall what I want was best summed up by Erma Bombeck. "When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me".

I BESTOW ON YOU...poetry corner

2008-03-04T09:17:00.000-08:00

Written for Miss Lucy when she was a new wee one....

May you grow to be beautiful-may you grow to be giving-may you grow to be wise-and thank God each day you're living-May you always look to Heaven-may every day be a fresh start-may the angels surround you-may Jesus live in your heart-May the last few pennies in your pocket-go to someone with no place to call home-May you offer friendship on a day when you feel friendless-to someone all alone-May God give you self confidence-may He also make you meek-may you hunger for understanding-may God answer when you seek-May you desire to know Jesus-until you see His face-may He bless you with honesty-may He bless you with grace-May people come to you, when they need shelter from life's storms-may you understand God's plans for you-how He knew you before you were even born-May you be a light bringer to a world that's so dark-may you be a ruler to the lost ones-bringing joy to each journey on which you embark-May you know you can come home, when you need to be embraced with open arms-may you turn to the Father, to light your way-and give you discernment to keep you from harm-Most of all, dear little one-don't lose hope when you make mistakes-Just pick yourself up-forgive and move on-don't quit, but remember the stakes-Eyes must see Jesus-hearts must accept-God gave you life-He knew you'd be the best-a soldier for Him-a missionary-God saw a heart of gold-an asset to His army-If you ever doubt you're good enough-to be God's child, little one-Remember God had you in mind-when He sacrificed his son.
(c) J.L. 2008

I've been blogging flogged!

2008-02-29T09:32:00.001-08:00

Thanks to Lovely Liz, I'm not sure this is going to link because my blog's been under the weather, I've been flagged or should I say flogged? Ok, so here goes:

1. When I go to the grocery store, all the same foods have to be with their own kind and organized neatly on the conveyor belt. This drives Danny crazy because, "they all get dumped into bags anyway."

2. I wanted to name Lucy, Elke. But Lucy chose her own name. I asked her to kick for the one she liked, Elke, Gillian or Lucy and the only one she started dancing to was Lucy.

3. Danny and I want to do missionary work in Panama some day. My Paternal/ biological family is Panamanian and lived there and worked for the government there for a good portion of their lives.

4. I can sing in English, Spanish and Italian quite well. I have to work on French next. Gira Con Mi

5. If I didn't get married when I did, I was looking into joining the peace core or even becoming a nun. I know I’d be worse than Maria!

6. Just one extra! Lucy is a mini me, only a better me or the best me. Whenever I question the path I took (or was forced onto) in life or how I would’ve liked for so much of it to have been different, I see or think about her and know it was all worth it. I wouldn’t change a single moment of hardship if it meant not having her because she is my greatest accomplishment. And I know God needed her in his army.

Now, the only person I can flag is Danny but I will do this personally because he's WAY behind on his blogging! I can add Jamie who has yet to FINISH her blog! What can I say, everyone I know is still in the myspace phase?

Looking Up

2008-02-28T09:23:00.000-08:00

Thanks to all that said a prayer. Pop seems to be adjusting to his new home. His needs are being met so much better and I'm starting to realize that he really wasn't even getting close to the physical care he needed before. Please continue to pray that emotionally he will be happy and mentally he will be somewhat clear.

As for the "parents", I am taking a, time to be determined at a later date, hiatus. The thing is, I am willing to forgive Barbara for the things she did in the past, although I am still healing from some of them that have profoundly effected my life. The way I keep explaining my feelings is that I am willing to forgive but I feel like she's inflicted this wound on me and every time it starts to heal, she re-opens it. I know that's gross but it's the best description I can think of. Then, as far as my dad is concerned, he stumbles upon her inflicting the wound on me and not only doesn't do anything to stop it, but tells me she really didn't mean it! Since when is the assaulter given a pass while the assaulted is made to seem like they're overreacting?

So now, when I'm around her and even him, (because while he offered a lot more help with the Pop situation, he did give her the wine and has made never ending excuses for her bad behavior as well as not protecting Lucy when she really needed to be), all I feel is anger. Anger is such an ugly feeling and eventually it makes us sick. I don't want to feel that way but as long as they're still living the way they are, I don't feel like I can be part of it. And until I figure out how to work through my feelings and what the stipulations are to allowing them back in my life, I need some distance.

Besides, I was supposed to start school in January and because of the intrusions on my life, have pushed it off until May. I wanted to put myself and our family (Danny and Lu) first in 2008 and yet once again, Barbara's craziness monopolizes everything. Only now that Pop is safe and we can visit him whenever we want in a peaceful way, we can concentrate on the three of us. I honestly fell like, for the first time in my entire life, I have the actual choice to NOT take care of 'them' anymore and I can put my needs first. Wow, what will I do with myself?

Again, thanks to all for your support. Maybe now, I can start posting happy family events:) I look forward to my biggest problem of the day being what to make for dinner. I've started teaching Lu how to cook and have written up a curriculum for it. Last night she did really well, Salmon, asparagus and carrots and baby red potato's. Tonight, salad, garlic bread and Spaghetti. See that? Problem of the day, solved.

When it rains the dam breaks and you drown

2008-02-25T10:50:00.000-08:00

So, yesterday, at the pushing/urging of one of Pop's nurses, home health care and my father, who thought everything would just be magical with Barbara when Pop was gone, we had Pop taken to Kaiser. Of course we had to sit all day, waiting in the room they gave him at the ER. Finally, they came in and told us that the nursing home would have to discuss payment with us. That added up to around $3000 more a month than he brings in with social security. We were told this by a social worker a while ago but for some reason, everyone last week that we spoke to didn't mention anything about it and instead stressed the importance of getting him out because it was an abusive situation. So, no one can afford that and he isn't eligible for medical because he makes too much.

Now, because the nurse gave Home Health Care the information about the abuse, he can't go back to the Lennon's house. They offer to have him stay the night in a hospital so we can check out some private homes. These are the one's that have about six people living in them in a private home with 24 hour nursing. Pop would be a perfect candidate we were told by the guy who does this for a living. Only, I wasn't sure we'd be able to research it enough in one day and I didn't just want to throw him into a crappy place so we brought him home late last night.

We called the nurse to tell her he was at our house and found out that she, without even knowing for sure that Pop was going into a home, planned her week doing other things. There were certain evenings and days she couldn't come. The other nurse is sick and they've wanted to quit for a while anyway but they said they'd try to help. We tell her she needs to come this week. So, she shows up this morning, (this woman has been trying for two weeks to get out of this with every excuse possible but still insisting on severance pay) changes Pop, comes out and says, "I can't work for you here. It reeks with the cats and Pop's diapers. I'll come in the mornings through Friday but you'll have to find someone for the afternoons (we have no one) and then, she walks out and leaves. Now, I'll admit my house was not rose smelling because the dogs had been in the laundry room for a few days because of the rain, but we scrubbed it the best we could and the dogs went out and the room was cleaned this morning. Plus, she'd already been here a week or so ago (it smelled pretty much the same, maybe a little better) and she went on about how nice it was and how she'd work just fine here.

So, Danny and I rushed around and stayed on the phone for most of today to find a good place for him, my parents don't care and my dad went out and got Barbara wine last night. Lucy has CYT tonight, her show's in a few weeks, she's already missed a few classes because of sickness and we weren't sure she'd be able to go tonight. That was upsetting me more than anything. It is so very unfair for her life to suffer because she has selfish family members. Please send some extra prayers up for us and especially for Pop. We found a decent place in Lakeside for him and we're moving him in tonight and I just want him to be happy.

Kids Rock!

2008-02-22T09:57:00.000-08:00

It was a lovely rainy and dark morning. Did you see how I set the mood there? I was being lazy and not dragging my backside out of bed. I called Lucy in to snuggle with me. She brought some fairy garb. My dad had just called with another Barbara vs. Nurse dilemma so while I wasn't really sad or upset, I needed a hug from my baby. As I snuggled her, she said in a cute sarcastic voice, "want a tiara?" and put it in front of my face. "No thank you." I laughed. "How about a magic wand?" again showing it to me. "No thanks, I'm full," I replied. Very seriously but with a hint of silliness she said flatly, "a wand is a magical stick." "You're such a dork" came my response as we both started to giggle. Thank God for kids because thanks to her, I got up feeling cheery instead of dreary. Love my girl!

It is my dysfunction that makes me normal

2008-02-21T11:59:00.000-08:00

Just a quick update. Barbara was released from rehab yesterday. She wanted to stay another three weeks (I have a feeling she enjoyed the attention) but the insurance would only cover a week. I told my dad he could appeal but I don't think he will. I just wonder how much good five days did. Usually by the third day, the worst of the withdrawal occurs and though it's a little better on day four, it's still there. She needed at least another week to start functioning a bit more normal and everyone knows it takes between 28-30 days to break and/or make a habit.

Plus, they put her on Valium to get her off the Ativan which is an anxiety drug that is very addictive and dangerous to take when a person is drinking. I do question how wise it is to put someone who obviously already has addiction problems on Valium and then send them home. The other thing I'm having a huge problem with is that her psychologist told her they couldn't test for bipolar disorder until she was off the alcohol. Then, they tested her anyway and said she's not bipolar but has depression and anxiety. This upsets me because it truly makes me wonder how these "professionals" can give her some test and not see what is so clear. Everyone close to her knows that she has some kind of mood disorder and twice now, two idiots who have known her for a couple hours to a couple of days have dismissed this obvious fact. I am starting to wonder where these people went to school. One would think they would be trained to give the right tests and recognize that many people that have serious addictions are skilled liars. And one would think, they would call the family in and ask them questions to determine the truth.

As for Pop, he's still at my parents house but he needs to leave now that she's home. Especially by Saturday because the second nurse has refused to come back while Barbara is there. The reason he's still there is that some things have come up that have made deciding what's right for him, difficult. First, his main nurse (she works six days a week) has to go to Maryland for two months because her own mother needs some care. Also, she believes, at this point, that Pop needs more care than we can provide him at home. He has some bed sores. She keeps them at bay but the problem is that he needs to be changed more often. She leaves at 3:00pm every day and doesn't come back until 8:30 in the morning. When there's "a mess" which happens often in the middle of the night, he gets confused and things get kinda disgusting. It would also help if he was able to have a full shower which is impossible at home. He also has started to try and get out of bed more as of late. This, of course is dangerous. Lastly, we all have some concerns about Lucy. Sometimes Pop gets confused and angry and gets nasty. We could handle this but she shouldn't have to. Lastly, what happens if one morning he doesn't wake up and she's the first in there?

The nurse thinks we should place him into a home while she's gone and see how he does. If he starts to really go downhill, we can always bring him here but if he does well, the physical care would be so much better for him. I'm so torn. I'm trying to decide what's best for him. Emotionally, I think our home might be the best but physically, I know the nursing home would be best. I feel like a crappy granddaughter for even considering it but I also have to protect Lucy. I do feel we won't have a choice for the two months that the nurse will be gone because it would be too difficult to find another one at the price she charges and one that Pop gets along with. I guess we may not have a choice but to give the nursing home a two month trial while she's gone and see if it works best for him.

In happier news, Lucy had the "best birthday ever!"

I think I'm going to run away. Anyone need a live in cook?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY GIRL!

2008-02-20T00:01:00.000-08:00

Beautiful Lu...Happy 8th birthday. Wow! Where'd the time go? You're such a lovely little lady and smart to boot. We're so proud to be your mommy and daddy. We thank God each and every night for entrusting us with your care. We hope we're doing ok:) Blessings on your life!

"Pretty little one, how's it all begun? They're teaching you to walk but you're already on the run."

HAPPY B- DAY BIG APPLE...the man not the city

2008-02-18T12:42:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD aka PA TOM! You've overcome so much and still smile:) That's a rare gift. You've taught us generosity and laughter and the best kind of silly sarcasm. We hope you know that you are loved and all you do does not go unnoticed. Every little act of kindness you have, do and will extend to others, often placing your own general needs on the back burner, are wonderfully appreciated. And the one's we don't see, God does, and we know He is proud too. MANY MORE BLESSED YEARS WE PRAY THE LORD BESTOWS UPON YOU!!!! WE LOVE U.... LU, DANNY AND YOUR APPLE

ED MUST GO DOWN!!!!

2008-02-17T16:00:00.001-08:00

Polly Ann Williams, 33 years old, took her own life on February 8th. She became known worldwide after appearing on the documentary Thin in 2006. Polly's suffering became too much for her to fight any longer, and she was a fighter. She was well loved in the eating disorder community and our hearts go out to her family.

For those of us that are left to fight on a daily basis, we must keep on! It is an ugly disease that many do not understand. We must continue to bring awareness to the world and to NEVER give up the fight against it. I'm sure Polly and others like her wouldn't want any of us to quit trying to heal and to help others heal. We need better treatment and better insurance coverage.

I pray Heaven opened its gates for her and that her Father embraced her. I hope she was welcomed by Janell, my childhood neighbor and friend that lost her battle to anorexia in 2003. May there be no more angels lost to this and may we teach our daughters to love themselves and know that they are beautiful because God made them.

My Honey

2008-02-14T21:24:00.000-08:00

Life may not always be perfect and it is certainly not without hardship. We may have our up's and down's but one thing I know for sure. God created us for one another and truly, It's a Wonderful Life!

To growing old and wrinkly together. I'll chew your food if you'll chew mine....Happy Valentines Day. I love you to Heaven and back. I do:)

Pooh Bear aka Pop

2008-02-14T01:38:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to our beloved Pop! May you live another 96 years. A man with such a beautiful heart could only come into this world on Valentine's Day:)

They tried to make me go to rehab......

2008-02-13T14:13:00.000-08:00

So, in the end, I think it turned into something good and while I have trouble finding hope because this has been such a long battle/ journey, I am praying.

Monday, Barbara got sloshed and started being really nasty to Pop amongst other things. Pop's nurse, Lois said that Tuesday would be her last day working as long as Barbara was there. My dad told us he was going to check her in to the hospital on Tuesday. He means well but often doesn't have the motivation to do the research or see it through. Barbara was bent on getting Pop out of the house yesterday and ended up driving by my house. She wanted to come in and "talk" about it but I wouldn't let her because Lucy was here and I didn't want her in the middle of a grown up conversation once again. Danny and I told her that the problem wasn't Pop and that it was her and that was the reason Lois wasn't coming back. We told her she needed to go to rehab. My dad was there, he'd come over earlier and a few moments later, they both left for home.

Upon reaching the house, Barbara apprehended my dad and they went to lunch. Then, Barbara flipped out and somehow they ended up at the airport where she claimed she was leaving. We knew she wasn't. In the meantime, Danny and I were making a million calls, trying to find out
how to have her forcefully commited without the 10 day wait it would take if we went down the Civil Commitment route. Finally, we told Barbara that she had two choices, she could check into the hospital or we would have Kat press charges against her for the hammer/ scissor incident and she would be arrested and then forced into rehab or back into the psch ward that she'd been in last summer. She panicked and she and my dad didn't come home last night. They stayed in a hotel.

I guess in the long run it worked though, because she's being checked into a rehab facility in Poway tomorrow morning. It's all set up. She goes in to detox for a week and then has an eight week outpatient treatment program with breathalizers and all. I also told her I wanted her to seek treatment for the bipolar.

I had a good conversation with my dad this morning as well. I told him I needed him to be the dad and to protect us kids instead of taking her side. I said that while I am good at being there for others, I need him to remember that I have my own demons that I have to fight and that I need him to do for me sometimes. There was a lot of other stuff but I really and truly pray that this family can mend. And while emotionally I feel like a semi has rolled over me, I also feel a bit more settled today.

On another note, we are in the midst of cleaning the room for Pop. He'll be here tomorrow, on his birthday. Yesterday he said to Lois, "everyone is fighting and I'm worried about Danny and Jess. I don't want to live here anymore. What does there house look like, so I know when I go to live there?" How can I not love that man?

I've Only Quacked Up a Little!

2008-02-08T23:01:00.000-08:00

As Liz so eloquently put it in one of her recent posts, when a wee one, over toddler age, puts themself down for a nap midday, a fever is brewing. Lu spent last Friday with a slight fever that had broken by Saturday. Normally, I am one of those mom's that makes the kid rest under penalty of more rest for a couple days after said sickness is gone. In what I can only descirbe as a moment of pure weakness (normally I am supermom, afterall) I gave into the repeated whines of my wee one to play outside with the neighbor, for just a little while. Problem was, it was overcast and REALLY cold (for California) and despite the fact that I made that child bundle up to a ridiculous extent, I had my doubts.

Sunday evening comes and RED HOT little mama. Poor baby, it came back with a vengence. We always let her little body fight off the fever during the day but because she really spikes at night, I usually give her Motrin. This normally works well for a quick recover and although a couple of times she's had a nasty cough, courtesy of mommy's genes, the fever is gone by day two and in its place, snot...snOT and more SNOT. Only this time, the fever was being stubborn and then, it happened. My child started barking like a duck. Her little voice sounded like a really squeeky and slightly demented princess. Croup! This one too, is courtesy of mommy's genes. I was often a barking duck myself as a babe.

I know that she's ok when this sound comes out of her but the gasping in freaks me the heck out! So I moved her into bed with me and every time she "barked" I propped her up more, often under my arm, until she was ok. Problem is, that meant no sleep for me. I watched her on and off and kept feeling her head because, as I stated, the fever was relentless. And every time I began to dose off....bark...bark....quack! I sat next to my child, with my eyes half open, not looking my prettiest, watching five long nights worth of Noggin. The problem is, Noggin repeats the same episodes at night, that it plays during the day. So, I watched two episodes of Oswald and Little Bill, Max and Ruby and Franklin and Little Bear (my favorites) and then, I watched them all over again. I even picked up a yummy meat sauce recipe from the show Cooking with Luis. Thanks Luis, good kid. I made it for dinner last night.

By Wednesday, I realized in my hazy and exhausted stupor, I hadn't even REALLY stopped to pray for my daughter. Not having the energy to say a half way decent prayer, we called The 700 Club. Within an hour, her fever broke, which was awesome because the best remedy for a croup cough is steam from a hot shower and I couldn't give her one with a fever. Despite the fact that the cough reached a 'bad place' last night, the shower steam did help and I have hopes that tonight might bring me Noggin free sleep. Because my noggin, shutting down for an entire night, is all I really want. Although I will, with no shame, admit that I will miss Franklin and Little Bear, just a tiny bit.

As for my little barking duck, she was able to enjoy a (waddle) trip to the nursery today for some (warm) fresh air. I am so glad that the sun rises every morning and that God knows the prayer in our hearts when our lips are too tired to form the words.

Searching for a King- Poetry Corner

2008-02-04T13:05:00.000-08:00

SEARCHING FOR THE KING

I was alone and scared,
The world was big and I was small.
I felt like no one cared,
About my life at all.

I heard about a man,
Called the King of Kings,
He had the power to understand,
And make a mute heart sing.

If there existed such a savior,
I would search each far off land.
Perhaps he would show favor,
And give me strength to stand.

So to England I raced,
For with all its history,
It seemed the perfect place,
To search for royalty.

I checked Buckingham Palace,
And asked around,
many offered solace,
But my King could not be found.

I traveled on to Egypt,
With their pyramids and pharaohs,
I felt they would be equipped,
To tell me what I needed to know.

My King did not reside there,
And I began to doubt my quest,
If he wasn’t real, who would care,
About me? And for a moment I digressed.

But my life was at such a desperate point,
I had to try once more,
I could only focus my hope on the King that would anoint,
My life, and allow my broken wings to soar.

I traveled to Los Angeles, where American royalty thrives,
In Beverly Hills mansions, the god of celebrity resides.
Surely a King of great stature would dwell in a monument so regal,
Then suddenly I hoped I was wrong, for the idea seemed feeble.

I continued knocking on doors, each one slammed in my face,
At that point I felt so weary and still there was no trace,
So lacking the energy and will to roam,
I gave up on my search and headed home.

I was defeated, where had I gone wrong?
I had faithfully believed, but now all hope was gone.
I could not imagine another place that a true King would abide,
I had looked in the most prestigious lands worldwide.

I started up the walkway that leads to the front door of my home,
Startled to find a handsome man waiting there,
The emptiness inside me filled, I was no longer on my own,
And hope filled the air.

He was not as I had imagined a King,
But I knew it was him right away.
Nothing was proud about him, not a thing,
He spoke in such a gentle way,
Then he smiled and my sadness lifted as he began to say,

“My child, I’ve been waiting for you, to tire of being alone,
I knocked but you weren’t ready to answer, but now I see you’ve grown,
Your heart is the palace in which this King wants to dance,
And your life is the one I long to enhance,
I would like to come in,” he asked intone,

So I unlocked the door and welcomed my king home.

Update

2008-02-01T11:13:00.001-08:00

I know I haven't been posting much more than poems as of late and it's not because things aren't going on per say, rather they're too complicated or too strange or I'm just too tired to try. Besides that, I don't want to constantly be that person with those depressing posts!

So, good things first. My brother Michael came out on Monday with his girlfriend Alex. I'll post a picture this weekend. Before hand I will admit I had some mixed feelings about meeting her. Something to the extent of, what if we don't get along and I just got him (in my life) and I don't want to share him yet:) I know, I'm five years old. I REALLY wanted to like her though, I promise. Also, they went to San Fransisco first to see her sister, then to L.A. to visit a friend of his and then down here so we only had one day with them, Tuesday. I was, of course, happy to have any time with Michael but I've also been really tired lately and I didn't think I had it in me to be "on" with meeting his girlfriend and all. The moment I met her Monday night, I knew that wouldn't be a problem. She immediantly was sweet to Lucy which of course means the most to me. And she was kind and attentive to her the whole time. Not in that patronizing way but in (truly) showing interest in her school and in what she had to say which I will admit I don't even accomplish all the time. My child is as high energy and crazy as her...um....mother (great now it's in writing) and when she gets excited, say when a favorite uncle is visiting, she tends to act like a crack head on speed. Anyway, Alex rocks and we're hoping they'll come back for birthday celebrations in August.

Now the "other" news. I haven't slept much in two and a half weeks and I think I'm having trouble processing things. It's like I have all this information in my head that I have no idea what to do with. Danny went to get the window fixed in my Jeep on Tuesday and Dan (at the gas station) asked him about Barbara's latest stunt which we hadn't heard about. She's spent much of the last couple of weeks drunk. We know this because she calls us and asks the same questions over and over again. So, last Friday, she got mad at Kat for something and tried to get into her locked room. When Kat wouldn't open, Barbara got a hammer and broke through the door....thoughts of the movie The Shining came to our minds. Barbara breaks through, "Here's Barbie"! Once in the room, she went after Kat with the hammer, apparently yelling something about it being her last day. Now understand Barbara has been doing this since I was a kid. She likes to pick up "weapons" and threaten her children with them. Usually the house is damaged more than the people as is the case this time. She ended up breaking Kat's double window and then grabbing a pair of scissors and chasing her around the house. The glass guy was called out for a quick fix/cover up.

The thing is, I know that these are circumstances that I cannot control. And the town can talk all they want. It's all true and I've never cared what others thought anyway. What makes me sad is that this was a family. Not a perfect one and Barbara always had her issues, to put it nicely. But they cared how others saw us. Now they don't. Dad seems as gone as she is. I don't know if he's just fed up, trying not to care or sick and not telling us. I can't read him anymore. In short, a family, part of my family, has broken into tiny pieces. The people I knew are gone and I'm not sure they're coming back. So while I continue to live the best I can for my own family, these things are there, haunting me and making me sad. That's the only word I have for it right now. Because while I know I am completly not alone, I feel very alone in this knowledge. I feel very confused on how to handle it. I know, due to an incident that occured at the end of 2006, that Lucy is not safe around Barbara so we've already cut contact off for the most part between the two of them. I try to keep my distance too and once Pop's here, it'll be that much easier.

I'm rambling now so I'm going to stop. Again, life isn't horrible, just confusing the heck out me. Did I mention that I could REALLY use a good night sleep? ZZzzzz....

TEA ROSE

2008-01-27T21:38:00.000-08:00

I look around/ the wind blows by/ the tea rose fades/ why can't I/ The tear it froze/ half down my face/ my life to all/ just sad disgrace/ They hang their heads/ turn in disgust/ "Tea Rose," they say/ "your life is dust"/ I look around/ the wind blows by/ "Tea Rose", they say/ "will never fly"/ But sweet rain falls/ brings back the smell/ an edible fragrance/ I know too well/ I pick myself up/ I stumble but stand/ I smile at the world/ on its demand/ I am jaded but not down/ I have in me another round/ They look/ they scorn/ they see my fight/ they do not see that I'm alive at night/ my passion rises/ when darkness falls/ my dreams say fight/ you deserve it all/ I try, I try to believe I am beautiful/ I will be a victor/ not a casualty/ And what people will say when I die/ that Tea Rose she was bound to fly.

J.L. (C)

Poetry Corner, Lu's first poem

2008-01-23T14:09:00.001-08:00

THE KINGDOM OF THE FAIRIES

The Winter's cast,
and the Spring has passed.
The fairies come, fairies go,
and this fairy has gone.
It snows and snows,
the fairy needs to get home.

By: Lucy Lennon (c) 2008

A Little Change

2008-01-18T20:37:00.000-08:00

I just sorta felt like I needed a little bit of change in my life so instead of getting my lip pierced or something:) I decided to change my hair. It's actually darker than I like but it'll fade. Also, it's more red in "real" life. Still, it's nice to embrace my dark side. -That was spoken in a wavy voice with spooky music in the background- I don't know why but the black shirt kept bunching weird around my tummy. I realize this is ridiculous to point out but I kept thinking how unnatural it looked. And of course, I always have to say what I'm thinking. My eyes in that second picture are showing the where and tear of my week....what a week! But we survived and that counts for a lot.

Just a quick little prayer post

2008-01-15T22:27:00.000-08:00

Barbara's sister Agnes came for a visit with her son Matt a week and a half ago. They decided to ship Pop back to New York and place him in a nursing home. First off, he cannot make the trip safely, I honestly believe this. Second, he WILL die in a nursing home, he almost has twice. So, Danny and I had Pop sign over the power of attorney to us today (the 17th, I couldn't post this until we had him sign). Danny also asked Pop if he wants to come live with us and he looked him right in the eyes and said, yes. We are currently preparing our house and third bedroom for him. I am on crazy anxiety freak out mode right now, in part because I am so sad and angry at the way Pop has been treated by our family. We're asking for and could really use all the prayers everyone has to offer up. Thank you. Me

Cyber Vacation

2008-01-09T14:43:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to let everyone know I'm going to be off the computer for a week or two. I feel I need a vacation from it. I'm on it far too much and I feel I need to be in the real world solely for a while to clear my brain, other then for writing. I'll post when I'm back. Many smooches!

Poetry Corner- I Fear- 1995/96

2008-01-08T17:06:00.000-08:00

When the night is over/ there's room for no more tears/ I put on a happy smile/ to cater to people's cheers/ When I try to explain to them, the way things really are/ people laugh and say that could never leave a scar/ I try not to let it hurt, but how could it not/ I'm supposed to look up to her and be thankful for all I've got/ I'm supposed to be perfect/ a sweet child she is, they say/ when they say God will help/ I can only look away/ a merciful God he's supposed to be/ so why does his mercy stop at me/ What do I have to do to make people understand/ I'm lost and sad and so long for someone to hold my hand/ Just one friend to say to me/ I'm sorry for your pain/ One who will never say, it's your fault/ who will not place the blame/ There's nothing I can do for her/ I feel helpless when she's down/ Mom, I say, cheer up/ I can't stand to see you frown/ But I can't be her savior and I don't know what to do/ I miss the way things use to be/ I long for something new/ Will there ever be hope for my once friend/ I don't want to see her sad and lonely to the end/ Still I can't stay here and be hurt by all she says to me/ There's got to be an end to this pain/ something to set me free. J.L. (c)

THINGS I'VE LEARNED

2008-01-04T12:27:00.000-08:00

I've noticed in the past 10 years that I have not only been more open to learning but I learn better. It's as if my brain kicked in around age 21 and it wasn't half bad! I'm so amazed now at all the things I take with me at the end of each year that I didn't have the year before. And most of all, I understand God more and I hear him more clearly. There are many things I like about myself now that I disliked before. There are some very nice parts of me. There are also some things that I pray will be better in the years to come. I am a work in progress.

I've learned that if one feeds the needs of everyone else all the time, their own will be malnourished. Now putting this lesson into action is something entirely different.

I've learned that sometimes one must lovingly walk away from a relationship that is toxic. Even if the person is family.

I've learned that a person cannot be forced to do something, even if it's best for them. And that people often ask for advice that they seldom take.

I've learned that our parents are not just human but flawed and because of that, they are sometimes wrong. And often, children are wiser than their parents.

I've learned that everyone has an opinion and they often contradict each other. That's why it's so important to know oneself and make choices based on God's plans. He knows the future so his opinion is the best bet!

I've learned that a little person can offer more love than a million big people because big people over complicate the meaning of a hug.

Mostly, I've learned that when we have a family, a spouse and a child(ren), they should be the top priority, under God. It is so important though, for each individual to pursue dreams and a life of their own because one day, every baby will grow up and their family will have to come first. It is so very wrong of parents to place all of their hopes and expectations on a life that isn't their own.

Raise up your children with morality and love. Teach them that anger only makes them sick. Live the motto, speak up or let go. This means, be honest with someone you're having trouble with or let the issue go. Grudges and unresolved issues are like untreated cancer. They grow and spread until every healthy part of you is diseased.

Don't let someone walk all over someone you care about. And humble in no way spells makes the word, DOORMAT. Don't interrupt, you might miss something important. Listen to old people's stories. They are awesome and you will be sad if you miss the opportunity.

There's so much more but I'll stop for now. People are complex, there are many layers to them so don't get stuck on one you don't particularly like. Most of the time, it's what's underneath the layers that is the most beautiful and juicy!

Merry New Year!!!

2008-01-01T00:10:00.000-08:00

Merry 2008 everyone! I pray you all find hope, healing and happiness in the new year. May you each be blessed beyond what you can fathom.

Poetry Corner....The Great Author

2007-12-30T21:06:00.000-08:00

I've always known each moment of my life has been planned/ my story written by God's own hand/ like a best selling novel there's been wonderful humor and healing tears/ times of heartache and anger, dreams and fears/ I love and anticipate reading each new page/ every day a new story unfolds/ and though I don't mean to question the all knowing writer, at times my story seems to bare holes/ There are times I am tired and the words seem to blur/ and times I am positive a happy ending should occur/ I guess it doesn't need to make sense to me/ He's the author, he knows what should be/ And like a great writer when the plot begins to lose my attention and my eyes begin turning away/ He throws in a new twist to assure I abide by his way/ It's then I recall the knowledge that a character is nothing without the one who made her/ that every breath I take should be breathed for my creator/ I may not always understand why he allows the chapters in my life to sometimes cause me pain/ but I know he knows me better than I will ever know myself/ and every hard time I overcome by turning to him/ will everlastingly be for my gain/ So Lord take your pen and write what you must/ good or bad, easy or hard/ your pen gave me life and that life to you I entrust. (C) JL